Puppets at Large: Scenes and Subjects from Mr Punch's ShowAnstey, F.
General
Puppets at Large: Scenes and Subjects from Mr Punch's Show
Anstey, F.
English wit and humor
"In conclusion, Sir, you 'ave doubtless done me the hinjustice to
expect, from all I 'ave said, that my hobjick in obtaining this
interview was to ask you for pecuniary assistance?" (_Here you reflect
with remorse that a suspicion to this effect has certainly crossed your
mind._) "Nothing of the sort or kind, I do assure you. A little 'uming
sympathy, the relief of pouring out my sorrers upon a feeling 'art, a
few kind encouraging words, is all I arsk, and that, Sir, the first
sight of your kind friendly face told me I should not lack. Pore as I
am, I still 'ave my pride, the pride of a English gentleman, and if you
was to orfer me a sovereign as you sit there, I should fling it in the
fire--ah, I _should_--'urt and indignant at the hinsult!" (_Here you
will probably assure him that you have no intention of outraging his
feelings in any such manner._) "No, and _why_, Sir? Because you 'ave a
gentlemanly 'art, and if you were to make sech a orfer, you would do it
in a kindly Christian spirit which would rob it of all offence. There's
not many as I would bring myself to accept a paltry sovereign from, but
I dunno--I might from one like yourself--I _might_. _Ord hignara mali,
miseris succur-reary disco_, as the old philosopher says. You 'ave that
kind of _way_ with you." (_You mildly intimate that he is mistaken here,
and take the opportunity of touching the bell_.) "No, Sir, don't be
untrue to your better himpulses. '_Ave_ a feelin 'art, Sir! Don't send
me away, after allowing me to waste my time 'ere--which is of value _to
me_, let me tell yer, whatever _yours_ is!--like this!.... Well, well,
there's 'ard people in this world? I'm _going_, Sir ... I 'ave
sufficient dignity to take a'int.... You 'aven't got even a trifle to
spare an old University Scholar in redooced circumstances then?... Ah,
it's easy to see you ain't been at a University yourself--you ain't got
the _hair_ of it! Farewell, Sir, and may your lot in life be 'appier
than----All right, don't _hexcite_ yourself. I've bin mistook in yer,
that's all. I thought you was as soft-edded a young mug as you look.
Open that door, will yer; I want to get out of this 'ole!"
Here he leaves you with every indication of disgust and disappointment,
and you will probably hear him indulging in unclassical vituperation on
the landing.
[Illustration]
RUS IN URBE.
(A SKETCH IN REGENT'S PARK.)
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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