They're embarking my portmanteau now. Knew they would have a lively time of it! It takes at least four sailors, in kilts, to manage it. Ought I to step ashore and quiet it down? Stay where I am. Don't know why, but feel a little afraid of it when it's like this. Shall exchange it for a quiet hand-bag when I get home. Captain busy hammering at a hole in the funnel--dangerous place to spring a leak in--hope he is making it water-tight. The hammering reminds me of that poor devil in the bedroom next to mine at the hotel. _He_ won't catch the boat now--he _can't_! My Aunt (who has left off looking like Mr. Gladstone) asks me why I am laughing. I tell her about that unfortunate man and his "thirty-five seconds." She screams with laughter. Very humorous woman, my Aunt. Deck crowded with passengers now: all pointing and staring ... at whom? Ask Aunt Maria. She declines to tell me: says, severely, that "If I don't know, I ought to." Great Heavens! It's at _me_ they're staring! And no wonder--in the hurry I was in, I must have packed _everything_ up!... I've come away just as I was! _Now_ I understand why someone offered me a necktie. Where shall I go and hide myself? Shall I ever persuade that beast of a portmanteau to give me out one or two things to put on--because I really _can't_ go about like this! Captain still hammering at funnel--but he can't wake that sleepy-headed idiot in the next room. "Louder--knock _louder_, or the boat will go without him! Tell him there isn't another for two days. He's said good-bye to everybody he knows at Oban--he will look such an ass if he doesn't go, after all!"... Not the least use! Wonder what his name is. My Aunt says _she_ knows, only she won't tell me--she'll whisper it, as a great secret. She is just about to disclose the name, which, somehow, I am extremely curious to know--when ... Where am I? Haven't they got that unhappy fellow up _yet_? Why the dickens are they knocking at _my_ door? I've been on board the steamer for hours, I tell you? Eh? _what?_ Five minutes to eight! And the Gairloch boat? "Sailed at usual time--seven. Tried to make you hear--but couldn't."... Confound it all! Good mind not to get up all day--now! [Illustration] SOCIETY'S NEXT CRAZE. (AS FORESEEN BY MR. PUNCH'S SECOND-SIGHTED CLAIRVOYANT.)