FIRST COMIC ASSISTANT. Ahye! Foppence a pound nice plaice! Kippers two fur three 'apence. _We're_ the Perfeshnul Curers! What are yer all goin' to _do_? Sort 'em out cheap! SECOND C. A. I don't mind! What care I? (_Bursting into song._) "'Ow, she rowled me 'ed, and rumbled in the 'ay!" On me word, she did, ladies! [_He executes a double shuffle, and knocks over several boxes of bloaters in the gaiety of his heart._ A HAWKER OF PENNY MEMORANDUM BOOKS (_to an audience of small boys_). Those among you 'oo are not mechanics, decidedly you 'ave mechanical _hideers_! [_He enlarges upon the convenience of having a notebook in which to jot down any inspirations of this kind; but his hearers do not appear to agree with him._ A LUGUBRIOUS VENDOR. One penny for six comic pypers. Hevery one different! A RUDE BOY. You ain't bin _readin'_ o' any on 'em, 'ave yer, guv'nor? A CROCKERY MERCHANT (_as he unpacks a variety of vases of appalling hideousness_). _I_ don't care--it's self-sacrifice to give away! Understand, you ain't buyin' _common_ things, you're buyin' suthin' _good_! It 'appens to be my buthday to-night, so I'm goin' to let you people 'ave the benefit of the doubt. Come on 'ere. I don't ask you to b'lieve _me_--on'y to jedge fur yerselves. I'm not 'ere to tell you no fairy tales; and the reason why I'm in a position to orfer up these vawses--all richly gilt, and decorated in three colours, the most expensive ever made--the reason I'm able to sell them so cheap as I'm doin' is this--(_he lowers his voice mysteriously_)--'arf the stuff I 'ave 'ere we git _in very funny ways_! [_This ingeniously suggestive hint enhances the natural charm of his ware to such a degree that the vases are bought up briskly, as calculated to brighten the humblest home._ A SANCTIMONIOUS YOUNG MAN (_with a tongue too large for his mouth, who has just succeeded in collecting a circle round him_). I am only 'ere to-night, my friends, as a paid servant--for the purpose of deciding a wager. Some o' you may have noticed an advertisement lately in the _Daily Telegrawf_, asking for men to stand on Southwark Bridge and orfer arf-suverings for a penny apiece. You are equally well aware that it is illegal to orfer the Queen's coinage for money: and that is _not_ my intention this evening. _But_ I 'ave 'ere several pieces of gold, guaranteed to be of the exact weight of arf a suvering, and 'all-marked, which, in order to decide the wager I 'ave spoken of, I shall now perceed to charge you the sum of one penny for, and no more. I am not allowed to sell _more_ than one to each person---- [_Here a constable comes up, and the decision of the wager is postponed until a more favourable opportunity._ FIRST "GENERAL" (_looking into a draper's window_). Look at them coloured felt 'ats--all shades, and on'y sixpence three-fardens! SECOND "G." They _are_ reasonable; but I've 'eard as felt 'ats is gone out of fashion now.