Puppets at Large: Scenes and Subjects from Mr Punch's ShowAnstey, F.
General
Puppets at Large: Scenes and Subjects from Mr Punch's Show
Anstey, F.
English wit and humor
FIFTH B. (_pathetically_). Don't leave your little Freddy out! (_They
don't leave their little FREDDY out._) Cheer up, William, there's
'appier days in store; there'll be Jersey comin' soon. We'll be orf to
the sunny south! (_To a stranger who comes up to him._) Why, Uncle, you
don't say it's you! How _well_ you're looking! Shake 'ands and 'ave a
bit on, jest for ole sake's sake! (_The stranger proceeds to introduce
himself as the Secretary, and to demand a fee._) What! pay you five
shillins for standin' 'ere wastin' my time and voice like this? Not me!
Why, I ain't took two blessed sorcepans since I bin 'ere! (_The
Secretary remains firm._) I won't do it, my boy. Not on _prinserple_, I
won't. I wouldn't give you five shillins not if your tongue was 'anging
down on to your boots--so there! (_The Secretary does not attempt so
violent an appeal to his better nature, but calls a police-inspector._)
'Ere, I'd sooner git down and chuck the show altogether; jest to mark my
contempt for such goings on! (_He descends from his box; takes down his
sign, unscrews his pole, folds up his professional triptych, and departs
in a state of virtuous indignation only to be expressed by extreme
profanity, while the Secretary proceeds unmoved to collect payments from
the others; who eventually compromise the claims for half-a-crown._)
MR. SAM SATCHELL (_"from Southampton"_). Now then, you gentlemen and
aristocratic tradesmen, where _are_ you all? Don't any o' you know
_anything_? Come on 'ere. (_He stops an elderly rustic._) You've got a
fancy, I can see! (_The rustic denies the impeachment, grinning._) Git
along with yer, yer artful ole puss, then, and don't keep gentlemen away
as wants to bet! (_To a Yeomanry trooper._) Come along, my ole
soldier-boy, give it a name! (_His old soldier-boy declines to give it
any name, and passes on._) Call yerself a warrior bold, and afraid o'
riskin' 'alf-a-crown! Why, yer Queen and country orter be ashamed o'
yer! (_As a young farmer in riding-gaiters comes up, with the evident_
_intention of business._) Ah, _you_ don't forget the old firm, I see....
What, four to one not good enough for you? You won't get no better odds,
go where you _like_! I suppose you expeck me to make you a present o'
the money? (_The farmer moves on._) I dunno what's _come_ to 'em all.
_I_ never see nothing like it in all _my_ life!
_In the Grand Stand._
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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