Erna had been weeping quite recently, and so indeed she had done ever
since last night, whenever she felt sure that no one was looking upon
her despair. For the gentle creature was in despair. All through the
long sleepless night she had seemed to hear Agatha's whispered
question, "What will you do if it comes out that Kurt is innocent?" She
had seemed to hear it like the voice of a warning angel, and neither
head nor heart had been able to reply anything but, again and again:
"In that case I have betrayed him, and I have made him unhappy." Could
he be innocent? She had struggled so long against the belief in Kurt's
guilt, and had only accepted it when he declared that he could not
explain his relations to the Russian lady; no, not even to her, from
whom, for the sake of their love, he was to expect entire confidence;
for confidence was the very soul and at the same time the touchstone of
love. Alas, she knew yet another and a more terrible touchstone, and
that was the jealousy which she had cherished in secret towards the
unknown lady, and which had blazed up brightly when yesterday she
beheld her, the hated temptress, in the splendour of her youth, beauty,
and grace. In vain did she struggle against the charm which the lady
seemed to radiate; in vain did she declare everything about her to be
unreal, except her diamonds perhaps; with every furtive glance at her
rival she felt herself more and more fascinated, allured, beguiled,
and, in equal measure, conquered, and at last crushed.
It was a terrible state which wrapped her poor fluttering heart in
absolute night, and yet even then there was something like a faint
glimmering of the star of hope. If Kurt had ever loved her--and he
had--he had done so once--how could he love another woman, who, however
charming and seductive, was yet in all things the very opposite of
herself? Kurt, who had so often assured her that he hated all display
and all vanity, that he loved her because there was nothing of display,
nothing, of vanity about her, because she was his own rose, which, in
its dewy freshness, he would not exchange for a world of brilliant
exotics!
And his large brown eyes had shone down upon her so gravely and
lovingly as he spoke, and his lips had trembled with genuine
emotion--and had all this been naught but lies on the part of him whom
she in her turn had loved, because he had appeared to her as a lofty
and lordly image of truthfulness and fidelity?
It could not be.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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