"And behind the curtain stands her lover, and bends across her, that
he, too, may look upon the mad horseman, who is stretching out his neck
to see his darling. And the clumsy fellow with the bull's neck wrinkles
his silly brow, twirls his mustachio, strokes his beard, mutters _Mort
de ma vie!_ and shakes his coarse fist. But she pouts, and giggles and
bursts out laughing, and falls on the neck of the jealous one ...
"No, no; it cannot be! You only want to hear from her lips that it
cannot be. And then--away, away--ride out of the gate--to swift,
honourable death. And God's blessing on thee, thou gentle, lovely, and
beloved child!"
He closed the window gently, and so to bed; to bed, but not to sleep.
He could not find that repose he stood so much in need of. The brook
murmured so loudly, or was it the hot bloody surging to his temples?
And was he about to sink into slumber, he would start up again
immediately; he seemed again, to be holding her by the hand, and she
bent her forehead to be kissed by him.
"No--no! Lead me not into temptation! Do not ask me what the one thing
is! I would not say it, even, if--what God forbid!--it were so. I will
not let you beguile me into a tragedy, any more than from one comedy
into another."
VI.
This thought, which had at length quieted Bertram's, wildly tumultuous
spirits, was also his first, when late next morning he awoke from deep
and dreamless slumbers--neither tragedy nor comedy! Calm and clear
observation, as best becomes a solitary individual who has done with
life; who neither hopes nor fears anything from Fate for himself;
maintaining a benevolent interest in the fate of others, where
benevolence is merited and interest is justified; cherishing throughout
the conviction that, after all, every one makes or mars his own life;
that interference and advice are rarely of much use, and generally
distinctly hurtful; and that, even under the most favourable
circumstances, the task of mediator is ever, of all tasks, the most
thankless.
In the clear light of these contemplations and of the delicious morning
which was resting in sunny radiance above the lovely landscape, last
night's scenes appeared to Bertram like the confused darkness of a
feverish dream; nay, he derived some comfort from the thought that he
probably had been ill, and was therefore only partly responsible for
his extraordinary demeanour. Still, he was gravely responsible for one
thing--he ought sooner to have become conscious of his condition. He
might well thank his stars that in his excited state he had not behaved
even more strangely; above all, that to-day, for the first time since
his last long and severe illness, he felt as fresh and strong as in his
best days. Assuredly with the morning all things seemed to have become
better--much better than he could have expected--than he deserved!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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