And indeed it had been a worse night for Bertram than the preceding
one, and this time the morning had not improved him. That he had to
admit to himself when, after having first vainly endeavoured to follow
the faithful servant's advice, he had at length risen in very low
spirits and dressed, trying whether a stroll along the terrace
garden-walk would cool his fevered brow and refresh his weary heart.
He had no right to be wearied. He was bound, when they came back, to
meet them merrily and serenely; that belonged to his part. How could
they give their confidence to one who appeared to have none in himself,
in his own strength, his own courage?
And he would need all his courage to look, if it could be done, deeper
than hitherto into Erna's eyes, into Erna's heart: and he would need
all his strength if that look were to confirm what, yesterday, he had
deemed impossible, but what, during the awful night, had come to appear
to him as thoroughly possible, nay, as probable. If it were so, then
the whole elaborate plan which he had yesterday confided to his friend,
had therewith fallen to the ground. Otto's embarrassments were scarcely
as great as he had represented them; and even if he had not, according
to his wont, exaggerated things, what would be the use of delaying the
decision? On the contrary, the more swiftly it came, the better for
all. If the Baron was a man of honour; he would not withdraw on
learning that the maiden of his choice was not wealthy; if he had
influence at Court, if this influence really amounted to something
considerable, he would now try all the more to use it for his future
father-in-law. They might then make their own arrangements, as best
they could; and they would make arrangements; sacrifice some things on
both sides, give up some hopes. What would one not sacrifice, what
would one not give up, if one loved from one's very heart? But to have
to look on at such hearty love, love delighting in sacrifice--never! To
run away would be cowardly, no doubt. But then valour, like honesty, is
appropriate only when it is needed, and when it will be of some use. He
would have to think beforehand of some suitable pretext which should
render a sudden departure possible.
Thus lost in mournful thought, Bertram was pacing backward and forward
along the terrace-walk, now past sunny espaliers, along which ruddy
grapes were already commencing to shine through the dense clusters of
vine-leaves, anon between rows of beeches, which were entwined overhead
and formed dusky arbour-like groves.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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