Then--neither could have said how the change of scene had been brought
about--Erna was lying in her bed, and Agatha, in her nightgown, was
sitting on the edge of the bedstead, and all they had discussed during
these last days in many a fragmentary talk was once more, and now
connectedly, discussed between them. But if clever Agatha had flattered
herself that she would thus induce the fair penitent to see that her
little soul was not, after all, as black as she thought in her
excitement, that hope was not destined to be fulfilled; the very
contrary happened. With every word she uttered Erna seemed to talk
herself more and more into a passion, in the existence of which Agatha
would not, and yet all but had to, believe, when her friend now
recapitulated all her relations to Bertram, beginning with that first
meeting in the woods, and continuing her account, to this very evening,
and when Erna tried to prove from a hundred minute details, which she
strung together with marvellous logic, that there was on her part no
whim, no caprice, no aberration of an extravagant fancy, no
satisfaction of injured pride, no despair, no, nought but true and
genuine love that knew no bounds, and knew only the one doubt whether
she herself was worthy of the man she loved. But not unworthy because
she had once before thought herself in love. That was a necessary error
for the sake of getting her to understand herself; to convince her that
love was not an intoxication, but a deep and clear sentiment attracting
and absorbing all other feeling and thought, even as a mighty stream
absorbs the springs and brooks around; and now in her love, like banks
in the waves of a stream, were mirrored her whole existence, her past
and her present, mirrored and beautified, made far more glorious than
reality.
Erna's words flowed on, not unlike the object of the image in which she
saw her life and love; and her voice, although pitched so low, had such
a curiously intense ring, and her great eyes, which were opened wide,
shone so strangely in the flickering light of the tall candles upon the
dressing-table, that poor Agatha was almost beside herself with terror.
Was Erna still aware of what she was saying? Was she raving? And,
horrible to think of, could she be going mad?
"Erna! Erna!" she cried aloud, seizing and pressing both her hands.
"Awake, awake! I have just been counting it up--when you are
eight-and-thirty, like your mother now, he will be seventy--only he
will never reach that age."
Erna gave a contemptuous smile.
"I thought so!" she said. "As if time had anything to do with love! As
if one year during which I can serve him, love him, did not outweigh a
century! O Agatha, how meanly you think of love! And if he dies
to-morrow, I'll die with him! There, that is the way I count, and I
think it is simple and plain enough."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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