Despair lent Agatha courage enough to revert to the one point on which,
as she had observed more than once during the last day or two, Erna was
most sensitive.
"I will grant it all," she said. "I will believe all you assert about
yourself, for I cannot read your heart. But Herr Bertram's heart is not
your heart, and what is going on in his heart, Heaven only knows; you
do not know it, at least he has never betrayed it to you by word or
look. And I hold that he would have done so long ago if he loved you.
What reasons should he have for hiding his love?"
"A thousand!" exclaimed Erna. "Or is it not a reason that he should
have tortured himself for days with the idea that I might be fond of
the Baron?"
"That idea he has assuredly given up ere this."
"Then, that mamma will be furious."
"For all that, he might tell you what he feels for you."
"And what if he doubts whether I love him?"
"Good Heavens, dearest! how can he doubt that?"
"He can indeed. During the first few days I was not clear about it
myself. And when I was feeling that I loved him, I often was odd and
capricious and defiant; and above all, when I discovered that the
letter was missing from my blotting-book, and I hunted for it
everywhere, and when suddenly it turned up again, having in the
meantime passed through I do not know how many hands, and having very
surely been read by mamma too--I was so indignant, I could see that he
sometimes did not know what to think of me."
"You did not make him feel your indignation; on the contrary, you gave
him one token of your favour after the other."
"And in that I did right, for I was determined to let mamma see that I
was not afraid of her wrath."
"And that rose to-day! and your prayer that he should stay--for your
sake! Was that right too?"
"Was I to let him go to-morrow?"
"If he wanted to go, was it for you to keep him? Erna, there is but one
thing wanting now. Why not say to him: 'Will you marry me?'"
"And I should not think it shame to say so, if I were sure that he
wished me to do so. Yes, yes; he does wish it; I see it clearly now; he
wishes to avoid even the semblance of suspicion of having beguiled and
over-persuaded me; he wishes it on account of my father and mother.
Well, God be thanked, now I know what I have to do to-morrow."
"Nay, the pity of it, Erna, the pity of it, that you can talk in such a
way; for it is impossible that you should really think so, really do
it. My proud Erna cannot forget herself so far. I entreat you, by our
great friendship, Erna, follow my advice in this one thing; if it must
be, let him at least say the first word--the word that then will be
decisive of your fate; and then let come what God will!"
She had folded her hands as if in prayer; big tears were coursing down
her cheeks. The simple expression of her great grief touched Erna. She
embraced "Granny" and kissed her, and promised at last that she would
do what Agatha kept asking of her again and again.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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