And if you’ll believe it, that was what they did. They divided
their turnips into ten courses and they called the first one--“Hors
d’oeuvres,” and the last one “Ices,” with a French name, and Peter
Piper kept jumping up from the table and pretending he was a
footman and flourishing about in his flapping rags of trousers and
announcing the names of the dishes in such a grand way that they
laughed till they nearly died, and said they never had had such a
splendid dinner in their lives, and that they would rather live
behind the door and watch the Tidy Castle people than be the Tidy
Castle people themselves.
And then of course they all joined hands and danced round and round
and kicked up their heels for joy, because they always did that
whenever there was the least excuse for it--and quite often when
there wasn’t any at all, just because it was such good exercise and
worked off their high spirits so that they could settle down for a
while.
This was the way things went on day after day. They almost lived at
their windows. They watched the Tidy Castle family get up and be
dressed by their maids and valets in different clothes almost every
day. They saw them drive out in their carriages, and have parties,
and go to balls. They all nearly had brain fever with delight the
day they watched Lady Gwendolen and Lady Muriel and Lady Doris,
dressed in their Court trains and feathers, going to be presented
at the first Drawing-Room.
After the lovely creatures had gone the whole family sat down in a
circle round the Racketty-Packetty House library fire, and Ridiklis
read aloud to them about Drawing-Rooms, out of a scrap of the
Lady’s Pictorial she had found, and after that they had a Court
Drawing-Room of their own, and they made tissue-paper trains and
glass bead crowns for diamond tiaras, and sometimes Gustibus
pretended to be the Royal family, and the others were presented to
him and kissed his hand, and then the others took turns and he was
presented. And suddenly the most delightful thing occurred to Peter
Piper. He thought it would be rather nice to make them all into
lords and ladies and he did it by touching them on the shoulder
with the drawing-room poker which he straightened because it was so
crooked that it was almost bent double. It is not exactly the way
such things are done at Court, but Peter Piper thought it would do--
and at any rate it was great fun. So he made them all kneel down in
a row and he touched each on the shoulder with the poker and said:
“Rise up, Lady Meg and Lady Peg and Lady Kilmanskeg and Lady
Ridiklis of Racketty-Packetty House-and also the Right Honorable
Lord Gustibus Rags!” And they all jumped up at once and made bows
and curtsied to each other. But they made Peter Piper into a Duke,
and he was called the Duke of Tags. He knelt down on the big hole
in the carpet and each one of them gave him a little thump on the
shoulder with the poker, because it took more thumps to make a Duke
than a common or garden Lord.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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