Prostitutes -- Fiction; United States -- Fiction; Women -- Fiction
She had a dream. A tall man with a baby’s face lay crowding in her arms.
She could kiss his baby’s face, but he had tall legs, they spun and
twirled about her. They struck a lamp which fell, the house was in
flame. All of the town rushed into her house: she saw his father and
mother, her mother who was dead and brother ... all of the city came
into her sitting among flame holding a baby face. They stood there,
pointing, poising, sneering at her. “What is she going to do? She sat
rigid holding her baby face. What a fool, she sits there nursing a dead
child with fire all about her!” She was helpless.
Now, sitting, watching the brave helpless trees she could go no farther.
She had a child whom she loved and who was the wound of another love
upon her.
--Trees do not think, they are brave helplessly. Why am I not brave?
Trees lift into air. I am buried.
She was buried. Her friends and her relations, seeing her Mrs. Luve,
buried her daily. Her child, seeing her mother, buried her daily. Her
husband, a distant stroke in a far world, ploughing, ploughing like
steel ... heaping the soil of his ploughings forever upon her, buried.
--Trees do not think. I try to think. Thinking is bad for Winter.
Thinking is bad for Spring. Thinking chills Spring. Thinking calls sap
to Winter which Winter kills. Yet I must think ... for I am motionless.
To think is to move when one is motionless. Trees move forever. Leaf and
trunk move upward, circle out: seed moves downward, inward. Trees swing
forever so they are thoughtless. But I am a broken curve, a splintered
part of a Circle I cannot see.... My thought’s a finger feeling from the
line of my brokenness for a Roundness beyond me.
--What am I going to do? How am I going to think?
She was the wife of Harry Howland Luve. Pretty clever astounding Fanny
Dirk: here’s a riddle for your independence, which we ... your Town ...
have had to swallow ever since you were a child bossing your
schoolmates, snubbing the smart young men, running through the
gray-mossed tangles of our thoughts and ways like an April wind through
a sleepy August. You have shocked us, angered us, made us love and
accept you. You caught the best match of Town ... here is a riddle for
you, smartie Fanny Dirk!
He will come back: she was very quick to find her own way, her own words
for it: yet who of us dare say she was not always the lady? Mrs. Harry
Luve. He will come back. Nothing for her after all but to sit and wait
him....
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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