If this chapter were not already sufficiently long, we should certainly be tempted to lengthen it by a dissertation on dignity and propriety: in which dissertation we should attempt to demonstrate that nobility and gentry, however ornamental to society under certain conditions, may become, by means of weakness of head and emptiness of mind, a most intolerable nuisance; and we should also show that the homage which is paid to exalted station, undignified by exalted conduct, is the mere sycophancy of selfishness, altogether undesirable to those to whom it is offered, and disgraceful to those who offer it; and we should likewise have set forth, for the edification of the Toms and Jerrys of high life, the bitterness of mortification which is felt by that amiable class when they perceive that those whom they consider as their inferiors actually look down upon them with contempt. Still farther, it would be our laudable endeavour to remind those who squander away their means by low-minded pursuits, are tolerably sure to remain for life in that low and vulgar level to which they have reduced themselves; and lastly, though not least, we should say, with the utmost seriousness of manner, that the low-minded, profligate, and vulgar extravagants in high life, proud as they may be of their loyalty and toryism, do more rapidly and surely hasten the disorganization of society and the downfall of its Corinthian capital, than all the declamations of grumblers general, the washy sophistries of puling debating societies, or the clamorous mob of noisy radicals. For this fine dissertation we have no room; and we pity our readers that they cannot have the pleasure of reading the development of the above scheme. CHAPTER II. “The next advantage Will we take thoroughly.” SHAKSPEARE. That very same worthy magistrate before whom the Hon. Philip Martindale was obliged, as above recorded, to enter into an engagement to keep the peace towards Mr. Isaac Solomons, junior, of St. Mary Axe, in the county of Middlesex, did again cast magisterial eyes on the same person under the style and title of the Right Hon. the Earl of Trimmerstone. Before his lordship and his companions made their appearance before the magistrate, they were perfectly sober, and of course completely mortified. They could not escape without betraying their names, and they hoped, by means of a private hearing, to escape a public exhibition; but as soon as they made their appearance, and the complaint was exhibited against them, the magistrate uttered an exclamation of surprise, and addressed his lordship by name. The secret being thus published, the Right Honorable and his two companions made their peace with justice as soon as possible, and retired. Now, as soon as this event was made public, the Earl of Trimmerstone expected a visit from his caustic and opulent relative, Mr. John Martindale. Nor was he disappointed in the expectation.