That night until he fell asleep, and all of the day following, the
beautiful face of Miss Warriner troubled Edouard, and the thought of her
alternately thrilled and depressed him. One moment he mocked at himself
for presuming to think that his simple art could reach the depths of
such a nature, and the next he stirred himself to hope that he should
see her once again, and that he should succeed where he had failed.
The music had moved Corbin so deeply that when he awoke the day
following the effect of it still hung upon him. It seemed to him as
though all he had been trying to tell Miss Warriner of his love for her,
and which he had failed to make her understand in the last three months,
had been expressed in the one moment of this song. It was that in it
which had so enchanted him. It was as though he had listened to his
own deepest and most sacred thoughts, uttered for the first time
convincingly, and by a stranger. Why was it, he asked himself, that this
unknown youth could translate another's feelings into music, when he
himself could not put them into words? He was walking in Piccadilly,
deep in this thought, when a question came to him which caused him to
turn rapidly into Green Park, where he could consider it undisturbed.
The doubt which had so suddenly presented itself was in some degree the
same one which had stirred Edouard. Was it that he was really unable to
express his feelings, or was it that Miss Warriner could not understand
them? Was it really something lacking in him, or was it not something
lacking in her? He flushed at the disloyalty of the thought and put it
from him; but, as his memory reached back over the past three months,
the question returned again and again with fresh force, and would not
be denied. He called himself a fatuous, conceited fool. Because he could
not make a woman love him other men could do so. That was really the
answer; he was not the man. But the answer did not seem final. What,
after all, was the thing his love sought--a woman only, or a woman
capable of deep and great feeling? Even if he could not inspire such
emotions, even if another could, he would still be content and proud
to love a woman capable of such deep feelings. But if she were without
them? At the thought, Corbin stared blankly before him as though he had
stumbled against a stone wall. What sign had she ever given him that she
could care greatly? Was not any form of emotion always distasteful to
her? Was not her mind always occupied with abstract questions? Was she
not always engaged in her own self-improvement--with schemes, it is
true, for bettering the world; but did her heart ever ache once for the
individual? What was it, then, he loved? Something he imagined this girl
to be, or was he in love with the fact that his own nature had been so
mightily stirred? Was it not the joy of caring greatly which had carried
him along? And if this was so, was he now to continue to proffer this
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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