Recollections of a chaperonSullivan, Arabella Jane
General
Recollections of a chaperon
Sullivan, Arabella Jane
English fiction -- 19th century
“Heavens! no,” said Adelaide; “but how could I dream of such horrors as
these? I thought but of some bloodless disturbance, of the same nature
with those we have lately witnessed. Tell me, if I may know, what makes
you anticipate such dreadful events?”
Warenne thought that he violated no duty if he seized this chance of
placing his character in its proper light before Adelaide; he therefore
simply related to her the occurrences which had taken place, and the
measures which he had determined to adopt.
“I leave,” said he, as soon as he had finished his explanation, “three
troops still behind me at Calbury, under the command of Frank, so that
you will not be destitute of protection.”
“Oh, I am not afraid for myself,” answered Adelaide; “but have you told
me all? I beg your pardon, if I have asked an impertinent question; do
not answer it if I have; but there is a tone of desperation in your
manner which alarms me.”
At this moment it flashed upon Adelaide’s mind that Warenne’s feelings
might in some way have reference to herself; she therefore hastily
added, “Forgive me. I am too inquisitive.”
“I know not,” replied Warenne, “why I should withhold from you the
causes of my uneasiness. You will perceive, that in my present
position I am forced to act upon my own responsibility, in opposition
to the express and repeated orders of my commanding officer. Whether
I succeed in my undertaking, or whether I fail, I make myself liable
to be brought to a court-martial for a breach of military discipline;
and I confess that I have not that confidence in General Mapleton,
which encourages me to hope that he will overlook an opportunity of
establishing his authority over an officer whom he considers, though
God knows without reason, as inclined to treat him with impertinence.
I can hardly look forward to anything but disgrace in this affair,
view it which way I will. This is not a pleasing reflection, nor one
that reconciles me to the prospect of a bloody affray with some of
my misguided fellow-countrymen. I have little enough to boast of;
but if of any thing, it is my fair fame as a soldier—that lost, I
am poor indeed;—but forgive me, Miss Marston, I have no right to
talk thus of myself to you. There is no limit, it would seem, to my
presumption,—yet, as I have said thus much, let me beg you not to
condemn me hastily;—when the world points its finger of scorn at me,
and when I am a dishonoured and ruined man, think of the difficulties
in which I have been placed, and do not, I beseech you—do not cast me
from your remembrance as utterly unworthy of all esteem. I can bear
anything but _that_—_that_ (as he spoke he pressed his hands violently
upon his eyes, as if to shut out some object of horror), I could not
bear. You know not what value—but why do I speak thus to you? I am a
fool, a madman! Pardon me—forget that I have dared to express the wild
and presumptuous feelings of my heart. I have been wrong in giving
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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