"But as soon as I saw you, almost," she continues, commanding her
tears with great difficulty--"as soon as you spoke to me, all such
thoughts went out of my head. I don't know why they did," she says,
simply. "You were not particularly pleasant or civil; I did not think
you good-looking, and you gave me the idea of being ill-tempered; but"
(with a sigh) "one cannot reason about those sort of things. I began to
think so much about what you _were_, that I forgot to remember what you
had."
He makes no comment upon her confession.
"Do you believe me?" she asks, eagerly, her little fingers tightening
their clasp upon his coat-sleeve.
Still he is dumb.
"Do you?" she repeats, excitedly, the quick breath passing to and fro
pantingly across the threshold of her crimson lips.
"Why do you insist on making me uncivil?" he says, with a sarcastic
smile. "I do _not_ believe you. I dare say you fancy you are telling
truth; but if another man were to come on the scene with a few
thousands a-year more, and a higher position in the social scale, you
would enact the same part over again. Women must be true to their
instincts. Those who are bent on rising must kick down the ladder by
which they have climbed: it is an irreversible law."
"You are mistaken," she says, eagerly. "I have no desire to climb; if I
came here with any silly, childish idea that rich people were happier
than poor ones, I have been quite disillusioned. Bob" (how oddly the
little unromantic name comes in among her heroics!)--"Bob is a happier
man than you are, though he is only a lieutenant in a foot regiment,
and has next to nothing to live upon."
"I have no doubt that _Bob_" (with a little sneering emphasis on the
monosyllable) "is in all respects a very superior person to me," says
St. John, with a bitter pale smile, like a gleam of wrathful sunlight
on a day of east wind and clouds and driving sleet.
"I quite agree with you," she answers eagerly, her great eyes flashing
angry, like unwonted meteors that blaze fitful in the winter sky, "and
I wish to Heaven I had never left him!"
Over Gerard's features a spasm, contracting and puckering them, passes
ugly and painful; his hands clench themselves in the mightiness of
his effort to govern his smitten soul. "That is easily remedied," he
answers, after a little pause, in a clear cold voice. "Why should not
you go back to him as you came? There is no reason why he should ever
hear of this--this _episode_, this _interlude_, this _farce_."
"And you think that I am to be bandied about like a bale of goods!" she
cries, scornfully, voice trembling and lip quivering with passion. "You
are like the woman in the Judgment of Solomon, who said, 'Let it be
neither mine nor thine, but divide it!' _You_ love me! You never did!"
"Perhaps not," he answers, with slow difficulty; "perhaps what I loved
was my ideal that I fancied I had found in you, and when I found I was
mistaken, perhaps the love went too! My God, I wish it had!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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