As a gallant attempt to find a solution to a most pressing question it was very praiseworthy, but as a working institution it was a regular fiasco. Fatty explained his subsequent failure in Divvers as the result of having to settle up the somewhat confused accounts of the defunct Club; myself, I attribute it to the fact that he defined Lydia--the purple seller of Thyatira--as ‘a province in Asia Minor.’ V. ON THE STRENUOUSNESS OF LIFE. It was on a Wednesday morning that I repaired to the Maison Squiff and found Freddy in a well-worn blazer perusing a coroneted letter signed ‘Paunbrough,’ which he silently handed me to read. I discovered that it was a communication from the noble owner of Coffington Castle, County Down, enclosing Butler’s bill with a dirty card attached. The latter enquired in terms more direct than polite why the hot place Freddy had been distributing his father’s cards about Oxford, and stated that he, the noble Earl, was condemned if he would pay thirty shillings for a bouquet to a low ballet girl. It concluded with the final slap that Messrs. Swindell and Rooke, the family solicitors, had instructions not to pay over another monthly allowance until they received Butler’s bill receipted. This crushing communication was pointedly signed ‘Your loving father,’ and a postscript demanded the return of any more of his Lordship’s cards which Freddy might have purloined. ‘Rather rough,’ I said, ‘but you can go on for another month anyhow, yesterday was the First.’ ‘Not much,’ said Freddy, ‘the governor’s sharper than you’d think to look at him, and he telegraphed to the sharks to stop my instalment yesterday.’ While we were discussing this trying situation, Mrs. Corker appeared bearing a blue envelope which she shot into my lap. It was addressed to-- Viscount Gilderdale, 129 St. Aldate’s, Oxford, and so I handed it on to Freddy, who courageously opened it. The contents proved to be merely an official confirmation of the noble lord’s own letter, which, as Freddy ruefully observed, was ‘rather like rubbing it in.’ ‘Can you pay Butler for me, and then I’ll get my thirty quidlets?’ he asked. ‘I haven’t got a penny,’ I replied, ‘but can’t Squiff supply the needful?’ ‘Oh! he’s worse off than we are; but I’m sure he wouldn’t mind our taking his silver candlesticks round to Ranger’s “for one night only,”’ said Frederick. ‘They ought to fetch thirty shillings, and then we shall get thirty pounds, and twenty to one are good enough odds for me.’ ‘Well, at any rate,’ I said, ‘Let’s try the Pilot first, and Accrington.’ ‘Whatever we do, must be done quickly,’ said Freddy, as he searched frantically for a note-book, ‘I’m in for Contracts next week, and Anson is heavy on my chest.’ ‘Let’s go along to College,’ I suggested, ‘Accrington’s working day and night for his second shot at Mods., so he’s sure to be in.’