The scene he had left lately was burning before his tired eyes; the
sounds he had lately heard were beating in his brain. For a week he had
been putting every power he possessed into the attaining of an end for
which it had more than once seemed to him that he would be willing to
sacrifice his own life. He had dared everything, fought every one, had
his own way in spite of every obstacle, believing to the last that he
could win, as he had so often won before, by sheer contempt of danger.
But this time he had failed.
That was all there was of it--he had failed, failed so absolutely, so
humiliatingly, so publicly--this was the way he put it to himself--that
he was in disgrace. He had operated when others advised against
operation and had seemed to succeed, brilliantly and incredibly. Then
the case had begun to go wrong. He had operated a second time--against
all precedent, taking tremendous risks--and had lost.
But this was not the worst. He had lost cases before and had suffered
keenly over them, but not as he was suffering now. In a world of death
some cases must be lost, even by the most successful of all of his
profession. But this was an unusual case. This was--O God--how could he
bear losing this one?
He had known her from a little girl of eight till now, when at sixteen,
bright, beautiful, winsome sixteen, he had... what had he done? She
might have had a chance for life--without operation. He had taken that
chance away. And she had trusted him--how she had trusted him! Ah, there
was the bitter drop in the cup the turn of the knife in the raw wound.
When the others had opposed, she had looked up at him with that smile
of hers--how could she smile when she was in such pain?--and whispered:
“Please do whatever you want to, Doctor Burns.” And he had answered
confidently: “Good for you, Lucile--if only they'd all trust me like
that I'd show them what I could do!”
Vain boast--wild boast! He had been a fool--twice a fool--thrice a
fool! He was a fool clear through--that was the matter with him--a proud
fool who had thought that with a thrust of his keen-edged tools he
could turn Death himself aside.
And when he had tried his hand a second time, in the last futile effort
to avert the impending disaster, she had trusted him just the same. When
he had said to her, speaking close to her dull ear: “Dear little girl,
I'm going to ask you to go to sleep again for me,” she had turned
her head upon the pillow, that tortured young head--he would not have
thought she could move it at all--and had smiled at him again... for the
last time... He would remember that smile while he lived.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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