She had not intended to say so--at least, not at first. She had made up
her mind that it would be only right to inform him that she was fourteen
months older than he (she had looked him out in Burke where she herself
was not to be found); that she was "old enough to be his mother"; also
that she was of a cold, revengeful temper not calculated to make a home
happy, and several other odious traits of character which she had never
dreamed of confiding to any of the regiment of her previous lovers.
But the only word she had breath to say when the time came was "Yes."
* * * * *
Rachel had shivered and hesitated on the brink of a new love long
enough. Her anxiety about Hugh had unconsciously undermined her
resistance. His confession had given her instantly the confidence in him
which had been wanting. It is not perfection that we look for in our
fellow-creatures, but for what is apparently rarer, a little plain
dealing.
How they rise before us!--the sweet reproachful faces of those whom we
could have loved devotedly if they had been willing to be
straightforward with us; whom we have lost, not by our own will, but by
that paralysis of feeling which gradually invades the heart at the
discovery of small insincerities. Sincerity seems our only security
against losing those who love us, the only cup in which those who are
worth keeping will care to pledge us when youth is past.
Rachel was not by nature _de celles qui se jettent dans l'amour comme
dans un precipice_. But she shut her eyes, recommended her soul to God,
and threw herself over. She had climbed down once--with assistance--and
she was not going to do that again. That she found herself alive at the
bottom was a surprise to her, but a surprise that was quickly forgotten
in the constant wonder that Hugh could love her as devotedly as it was
obvious he did.
Women would have shared that wonder, but not men. There was a home ready
made in Rachel's faithful, dog-like eyes, which at once appealed to the
desire of expansion of empire in the heart of the free-born Briton.
Hugh had, until lately, considered woman as connected with the downward
slope of life. He would have loudly disclaimed such an opinion if it had
been attributed to him; but nevertheless it was the key-note of his
behavior towards them, his belief concerning them which was of a piece
with his cheap cynicism and dilettante views of life. He now discovered
that woman was made out of something more than man's spare rib.
It is probable that if he had never been in love with Lady Newhaven,
Hugh would never have loved Rachel. He would have looked at her, as many
men did, with a view to marriage and would probably have dismissed her
from his thoughts as commonplace. He knew better now. It was Lady
Newhaven who was commonplace. His worldliness was dropping from him day
by day as he learned to know Rachel better.
Where was his cynicism now that she loved him?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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