Red Saunders' Pets and Other CrittersPhillips, Henry Wallace
General
Red Saunders' Pets and Other Critters
Phillips, Henry Wallace
Humorous stories
"I will examine this matter carefully, Charles," said Steve.
"I thank you, su'," responded Charley, with a courtly sweep of his hand.
"Not at all," insisted Steve, with a duplicate wave. "I beg that you
won't mention it. And now, if you would travel toward the house----"
"_Cer_tainly!"
And out we went into North Dakota's congealed envelope, with the smoke
from the main-house chimney rising three hundred feet into the air, a
snow-white column straight as a mast, Charley stalking majestically
ahead, while we three floundered weakly behind him.
"Ain't he the corker?" gasped Oscar. "When he gets to jumping sideways
among those four-legged words he separates me from my good intentions."
"'With scorn and hoomiliation,'" quoted Steve, and stopped, overcome.
"'I tells you what's the matter and leaves you to figger it out for
yourself,'" I added. Then Charley heard us. He turned and approached,
an awful frown upon his brow.
"May I inquire what is the reason of this yere merriment?" he asked.
The manner was that of a man who proposed to find out. It sat on
Charley with so ludicrous a parody that we were further undone. Steve
raised his hands in deprecation, and spoke in a muffled voice that
broke at intervals.
"Can't I laugh in my own backyard, Charley?" he said. "By the Lord
Harry, I _will_ laugh inside my stakes! No man shall prevent me. The
Constitution of the United States, the Declaration of Independence, and
the Continental Congress give me the right. Now what have you got to
say?"
"I dunno but what you have me whipsawed there, Steve," replied Charley,
scratching his head. "Ef it's your right by the Constitootion, o'
course I ain't goin' to object."
"Do either of you object?" demanded Steve of Oscar and me in his
deepest bass. No, we didn't object; we fell down in the snow and
crowed like chanticleer.
"Hunh!" snorted Charley. "Hunh! Them boys hain't got brains in their
heads at all--nothin' but doodle-bugs!"
"Well, Charley," continued Steve, "as you don't object, and they don't
object, and I don't object, for God's sake let's have breakfast!"
"I'll go you, Steve," replied Charles seriously, and we entered the
house uproarious.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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