[JACOB enters hurriedly with a prescription.
JACOB. Here, Simon, you run to the chemist's and get these powders for
the mistress!
SIMON. But master told me not to go out.
JACOB. You've plenty of time; your business won't begin till after
their tea. Hope you are enjoying your tea!
FIRST PEASANT. Thanks, come and join us.
[Exit SIMON.
JACOB. I haven't time. However, I'll just have one cup for company's
sake.
FIRST PEASANT. And we've just been having a conversation as to how
your mistress carried on so haughty this morning.
JACOB. Oh, she's a reg'lar fury! So hot-tempered, that she gets quite
beside herself. Sometimes she even bursts out crying.
FIRST PEASANT. Now, there's a thing I wanted to ask you about. What,
for example, be these mikerots she was illuding to erewhile? "They've
infested the house with mikerots, with mikerots," she says. What is
one to make of these same mikerots?
JACOB. Mikerogues, you mean! Well, it seems there is such a kind of
bugs; all illnesses come from them, they say. So she says there are
some of 'em on you. After you were gone, they washed and washed and
sprinkled the place where you had stood. There's a kind of physic as
kills these same bugs, they say. Second Peasant. Then where have we
got these bugs on us?
JACOB (drinking his tea). Why, they say they're so small that one
can't see 'em even through a glass.
SECOND PEASANT. Then how does she know I've got 'em on me? Perhaps
there's more of that muck on her than on me!
JACOB. There now, you go and ask her!
SECOND PEASANT. I believe it's humbug.
JACOB. Of course it's bosh. The doctors must invent something, or else
what are they paid for? There's one comes to us every day. Comes,--
talks a bit,--and pockets ten roubles!
SECOND PEASANT. Nonsense!
JACOB. Why, there's one as takes a hundred!
FIRST PEASANT. A hundred? Humbug!
JACOB. A hundred. Humbug, you say? Why, if he has to go out of town,
he'll not do it for less than a thousand! "Give a thousand," he says,
"or else you may kick the bucket for what I care!"
THIRD PEASANT. Oh, Lord!
SECOND PEASANT. Then does he know some charm?
JACOB. I suppose he must. I served at a General's outside Moscow once:
a cross, terrible proud old fellow he was--just awful. Well, this
General's daughter fell ill. They send for that doctor at once. "A
thousand roubles, then I'll come." Well, they agreed, and he came.
Then they did something or other he didn't like, and he bawled out at
the General and says, "Is this the way you show your respect for me?
Then I'll not attend her!" And, oh, my! The old General forgot all his
pride, and starts wheedling him in every way not to chuck up the job!
FIRST PEASANT. And he got the thousand?
JACOB. Of course!
SECOND PEASANT. That's easy got money. What wouldn't a peasant do with
such a sum!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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