Lesbians -- Fiction; Psychological fiction; Women teachers -- Fiction
"And then she was run down and did her work badly. And Clare hates
illness--besides--she thought Louise was slacking. I tried to make her
see----Oh," she cried passionately, "why didn't I try harder? It's
haunting me, Roger, that I didn't try hard enough. I ought to have
known how she felt--I was near her age. Clare couldn't be expected
to--but Louise talked to me sometimes--I ought to have seen. I did see.
All that summer she went about so white and miserable--and Clare was
angry with her--and I hadn't the pluck to tackle either of them. I was
afraid of being a busybody--I was afraid of upsetting Clare. You
see--I'm awfully fond of Clare. She makes you forget everything but
herself. And, of course, she never realised what was wrong with Louise.
I didn't altogether, either--you do believe that?" She broke off,
questioning pitifully, as if he were her judge.
He nodded.
"Right till the day of the play, I never really saw how crazily
miserable she was growing. She was crazy--don't you think?"
"You want to think so?" He considered her curiously.
"It mitigates it."
"That she killed herself?"
"It's deadly sin? Or don't you believe----?"
"No," he said. "There's such a thing as the right of exit--but go on."
"What do you mean?"
"I'll tell you what I think presently. I want all your thoughts
now----There were signs----?"
"Of insanity? No. But she was--exaggerated--too intelligent--too
babyish--too brilliant--too everything. She felt things too much. She
failed in an exam.--sheer overwork--just before."
"I see. Was she ambitious?"
"Only to please Clare. Clare didn't like her failing."
"Did she tell the child so?" His tone was stern.
"Oh, no!"
"You're sure?"
"Clare would have told me if they had had a row. She tells me
everything."
He smiled a little.
"How old is your friend?"
She looked surprised.
"Oh--thirty-three--thirty-four--thirty-five. I don't really know. She
never talks about ages and looks and that sort of thing. She rather
despises all that. She laughs at me for--for liking clothes...." Her
little blush made her look natural again. "But why?"
"I wondered. Then there was nothing to upset the child?"
"Only the failing. And then the play. I told you. She was awfully
strange afterwards. That's where I blame myself. I ought to have seen
that she was overwrought. But she drank the tea, and cheered up so when
I told her Clare was pleased with her acting----"
"Was she?" He was frowning interestedly.
"I'm sure she must have been--it was brilliant, you know."
"She said so?"
"Oh, not actually--but I could tell. And it cheered the child up. I was
quite easy about her--and then ten minutes later----" She shuddered.
"Then it might have been an accident," he suggested soothingly.
"It wasn't," she said, with despairing conviction.
"My dear girl! Either you're indulging in morbid imaginings--or you've
something to go on?"
She shook her head with a frightened look at him.
"No!" she said hurriedly. "No!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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