Lesbians -- Fiction; Psychological fiction; Women teachers -- Fiction
"I think I'd rather go at once--round by the road. Isn't there a road?"
She rose and looked about her, taking farewell of the daffodils.
"Yes, there's a road. Wouldn't you like a bunch?" He took a pair of
scissors from the wall, and began to select his blooms. Alwynne followed
him delightedly. She thought she would have a surprise for Clare, after
all. And Elsbeth! Elsbeth was an after-thought. But she hoped there
would be enough for Elsbeth.
"Why won't you go back through the wood?" he said quietly, as, hands
full, he at last replaced the scissors on their particular nail, and
twitched a strand from the horse-tail of bass that hung beside them.
"Tell me." Then, calmly, "Here--put your finger here, will you?"
Mechanically she obeyed and he tied the knot that secured the great
yellow sheaf and gave it to her.
"Now tell me. What frightened you in the wood? What was wrong?" He spoke
quietly, but his tone compelled her.
"If you dreamed a dream----" she began unwillingly, "night after
night--month after month--something ghastly----"
"Yes--" he encouraged her.
"Ah, well--at least you've the comfort of knowing it's a dream. But
suppose, one day--you dreamt it while you were awake----?"
"Dreamt what?" He guessed her meaning, but he was deliberately forcing
her to reduce her terrors into words--the more they crystallised, the
easier she would find it to face and destroy them.
"Do you believe in hell?" she flung at him.
"I should jolly well think so."
"For children?" Her tone implored comfort.
"I'm afraid so."
"But how can it be fair? They're so little. They don't know right from
wrong."
"I knew a kid," he said meditatively, an eye on her tormented face,
"only eight--used to act, if you please. Hung about London stage-doors,
and bearded managers in their dens for a living. Quick little chap!
Father drunk or ill; incapable, anyhow. The child supported them both.
I've seen that child kept hanging about three or four hours on end. And
what he knew! It made you sick and sorry. He must be twelve by
now--getting on, I believe, poor kid! And a cheerful monkey! He's
certainly had his hell, though."
She had hardly listened, she was absorbed in her thoughts; but she
caught at his last words----
"In this life? Oh, yes! That's cruel enough. But not afterwards? Not
eternal damnation! I don't mind it for myself so much--but for a baby
that can't understand why----It isn't possible, is it?"
He began to laugh jollily.
"Alwynne--you utter fool! Don't you believe in God?"
"I suppose so," she admitted.
"Of course, if you didn't----"
"Yes," she thrust in. "Then it would be all right. I could be sure she
was asleep--dead--like last year's leaves----"
"But why should God complicate matters?"
"Well--heaven follows--and hell--don't they? _Their worm dieth not_--and
all the rest."
"Oh, I follow."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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