Lesbians -- Fiction; Psychological fiction; Women teachers -- Fiction
"Miss Marsham--the head mistress, you know--of course she's very
old--but she believes--terribly. It's an awfully religious school. It
scares some of the children. I used to laugh, but now, since Louise
died, it scares me, though I am grown up. I've no convictions--and she
is certain--and then I get these nightmares. I hear her calling--for
water."
The flat matter-of-fact tone alarmed him more than emotion would have
done.
"Water?"
"_For I am tormented in this flame._ I hear her every night--wailing."
Her eyes strained after something that he could not see.
He found no words.
She returned with an effort.
"Of course, when it's over--I know it's imagination. My sense tells me
so--in the daytime. Only I can't be sure. If only I could be sure! If
some one would tell me to be sure. It's the reasoning it out for
myself--all day--and going back to the dreams all night."
"How long has this been going on?" he asked curtly.
"Ever since--when I came home from Clare's--that night. I'd slept like a
log. Then I woke up suddenly. I thought I heard Louise calling. I'd
forgotten she was dead. Every night it happens--as soon as I go to
sleep, she comes. Always trying to speak to me. I hear her screaming
with pain--wanting help. Never any words. Do you think I'm mad? I know
it's only a dream--but every night, you know----"
"You're not going to dream any more," he said, with a determination that
belied his inward sense of dismay. "But go on--let's have the rest of
it."
"There isn't much. Just dreams. It's been a miserable year. I couldn't
be cheerful always, you know--and I used to dread going to bed so. It
made me stupid all day. And Clare--Clare didn't quite understand. Oh--I
did want to tell her so. But you can't worry people. I'm afraid Elsbeth
got worried--she hates it if you don't eat and have a colour. She packed
me off here at last."
She drew a long breath.
"This blessed place! You don't know how I love it. I feel a different
girl. All this space and air and freedom. What is it that the country
does to one's mind? I've slept. No dreaming. Sleep that's like a hot
bath. Can you imagine what that is after these months? Oh, Roger! I
thought I'd stopped dreaming for good--I was forgetting----"
"Go on forgetting," he said. "You can. I'll help you. You had a shock.
It made you ill. You're getting well again. That's all."
"I'm not," she said. "I'm going mad. To-day, in that wood.... Louise
came running after me--and I was awake...."
Suddenly she gave a little ripple of high-pitched laughter.
"Oh, Mr. Lumsden! Isn't this a ridiculous conversation? And your
face--you're so absurd when you frown.... You make me laugh.... You make
me laugh...."
She broke off. Roger, with a swift movement, had turned and was standing
over her.
"Now shut up!" he said sharply. "Shut up! D'you hear? Shut up this
instant, and sit down." He put his hand on her shoulder and jerked her
back into the chair.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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