Lesbians -- Fiction; Psychological fiction; Women teachers -- Fiction
The shock of his roughness checked her hysterics, as he had intended it
should. She sat limply, her head in her hand, trying not to cry. He
watched her.
"Pull yourself together, Alwynne," he said more gently.
Her lips quivered, but she nodded valiantly.
"I will. Just wait a minute. I don't want to make a fool of myself."
Then, with a quavering laugh, "Oh, Roger, this is pleasant for you!"
He laughed.
"You needn't mind me," he said calmly. "Any more than I mind you. Except
when you threaten hysterics. I bar hysterics. I wouldn't mind if they
did any good. But we've got lots to do. No time at all for them. We've
got to work this thing out. Ready?"
Alwynne waited, her attention caught.
"Now listen," he said. "First of all, get it into your head that I know
all about it, and that I'm going to see you through. Next--whenever you
get scared--though you won't again, I hope--that you are just to come
and talk it over. You won't even have to tell me--I shall see by your
face, you know. Do you understand? You're not alone any more. I'm here.
Always ready to lay your ghosts for you. Will you remember?"
He spoke clearly and patiently--very cheerful and reassuring.
"You've got to go home well, Alwynne. Because, you know, though you're
as sane as I am, you've been ill. This last year has been one long
illness. You had a shock--a ghastly shock--and, of course, it skinned
your nerves raw. My dear, I wonder it didn't send you really mad,
instead of merely making you afraid of going mad. If you hadn't put up
such a fight----Honestly, Alwynne! I think you've been jolly plucky."
The sincere admiration in his voice was wonderfully pleasant to hear.
Alwynne opened her eyes widely.
"I don't know what you mean," she began shyly.
"I'm not imaginative," he said, "but if I'd been hag-ridden as you
have----" He broke off abruptly. "But, at least, you've fought yourself
free," he continued cheerfully. "Yes, in spite of to-day." And his
complete assurance of voice and manner had its effect on Alwynne,
though she did not realise it.
"You're better already. You say yourself you're a different girl since
you got away from--since you came here. And when you're quite well,
it'll be your own work, not mine. I'm just tugging you up the bank, so
to speak. But you've done the real fighting with the elements. I think
you can be jolly proud of yourself."
Alwynne looked at him, half smiling, half bewildered.
"What do you mean? You talk as if it were all over. Shall I never be
frightened again? Think of to-day?"
"Of course it's all over," he assured her truculently. "To-day? To-day
was the last revolt of your imagination. You've let it run riot too
long. Of course it hasn't been easy to call it to heel."
"You think it's all silly imaginings, then?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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