Lesbians -- Fiction; Psychological fiction; Women teachers -- Fiction
She would come to her lesson, overtired from the strain of the morning
classes, over-stimulated from the contact with Clare, over-hopeful or
utterly depressed, as the mood took her. Alwynne's cheerful interest was
balm to the child's overwrought nerves. Alwynne let her spend a quarter
of an hour or more in confiding the worries and excitements of the day,
after which, Louise, curiously revived, contrived to get through an
amazing amount of work. There was no doubt as to Louise's capacity for
advanced work, but her state of mind affected her output; she was, as
Alwynne once phrased it to Clare, "like a violin--you had to tune her up
before she was fit for use." And Alwynne's "tuning" had done more than
she or Clare or even Louise herself had guessed, towards her success in
her new class.
Bit by bit, Alwynne had heard all about Louise; the details of her
meagre home-life; her attitude to the busy world of school, that
frightened while it attracted her; her difficulties with her fellows;
her delight in her work. Finally, there was Clare. Louise was very shy
about Clare; inclined to scent mockery, to be on the defensive; but
Alwynne's own matter-of-fact enthusiasm had its effect. Also Alwynne's
interest, though it invited, never demanded confidences. It took Louise
some time to realise that it arose from simple friendliness of soul;
that there was neither curiosity nor pedagogic zeal behind it; that,
though she was teased and laughed at, she was respected, and, out of
school hours, treated as an equal; that she and her schoolgirl secrets
were safe with Miss Durand. It was, indeed, in the light of after
events, pathetic that Louise, dazzled by Clare's will-o'-the-wisp
brilliance, never realised how close to her for a season the friend, the
elder sister she had longed for, really stood. With the egoism of a
child, and a child in love, she was humbly and passionately grateful for
Clare's least sign of interest, yet accepted all the many little
kindnesses that Alwynne showed her, as a matter of course. She scarcely
realised, absorbed as she was in Clare, that she was even fond of Miss
Durand, yet she relied on her implicitly: and Alwynne, innocent of the
jealous, acquisitive impulse that tainted Clare's intercourse with any
girl who caught her fancy, was not at all disturbed or hurt by Louise's
attitude. She looked after the child as she would have looked after a
starving cat or a fugitive emperor, if they had come her way, as a
matter of course, and as instinctively as she ate her dinner.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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