He classified the Princess with that distinct type of woman that looks as
if it habitually went out to feed hens in the rain.
Her name was Olga; she kept what she hoped and believed to be a
fox-terrier, and professed what she thought were Socialist opinions. It
is not necessary to be called Olga if you are a Russian Princess; in
fact, Reginald knew quite a number who were called Vera; but the
fox-terrier and the Socialism are essential.
“The Countess Lomshen keeps a bull-dog,” said the Princess suddenly. “In
England is it more chic to have a bull-dog than a fox-terrier?”
Reginald threw his mind back over the canine fashions of the last ten
years and gave an evasive answer.
“Do you think her handsome, the Countess Lomshen?” asked the Princess.
Reginald thought the Countess’s complexion suggested an exclusive diet of
macaroons and pale sherry. He said so.
“But that cannot be possible,” said the Princess triumphantly; “I’ve seen
her eating fish-soup at Donon’s.”
The Princess always defended a friend’s complexion if it was really bad.
With her, as with a great many of her sex, charity began at homeliness
and did not generally progress much farther.
Reginald withdrew his macaroon and sherry theory, and became interested
in a case of miniatures.
“That?” said the Princess; “that is the old Princess Lorikoff. She lived
in Millionaya Street, near the Winter Palace, and was one of the Court
ladies of the old Russian school. Her knowledge of people and events was
extremely limited; but she used to patronise every one who came in
contact with her. There was a story that when she died and left the
Millionaya for Heaven she addressed St. Peter in her formal staccato
French: ‘Je suis la Princesse Lor-i-koff. Il me donne grand plaisir à
faire votre connaissance. Je vous en prie me présenter au Bon Dieu.’
St. Peter made the desired introduction, and the Princess addressed le
Bon Dieu: ‘Je suis la Princesse Lor-i-koff. Il me donne grand plaisir à
faire votre connaissance. On a souvent parlé de vous à l’église de la
rue Million.’”
“Only the old and the clergy of Established churches know how to be
flippant gracefully,” commented Reginald; “which reminds me that in the
Anglican Church in a certain foreign capital, which shall be nameless, I
was present the other day when one of the junior chaplains was preaching
in aid of distressed somethings or other, and he brought a really
eloquent passage to a close with the remark, ‘The tears of the afflicted,
to what shall I liken them—to diamonds?’ The other junior chaplain, who
had been dozing out of professional jealousy, awoke with a start and
asked hurriedly, ‘Shall I play to diamonds, partner?’ It didn’t improve
matters when the senior chaplain remarked dreamily but with painful
distinctness, ‘Double diamonds.’ Every one looked at the preacher, half
expecting him to redouble, but he contented himself with scoring what
points he could under the circumstances.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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