Body and soul, tied together back to back, see different realms of
sky. And the innermost capsule of mind, that very I of very I, though
wretchedly at the mercy of pains and lusts, is yet also oddly detached.
Sitting in the dentist’s chair, the innermost self says: “Here we are.
This is terrible. Now he is going to hurt me. Is it the essential me
he is going to hurt, or is it just the make-believe me?” But when the
pang comes, then truly for an instant all me’s whatsoever coalesce into
one indignant craven whole. Yet even in that horrid shudder I think
we are obscurely aware that it is not our essence that surrenders.
That volatile quiddity has retreated in disgust, loath to attend the
deplorable scene. He is as cheerfully regardless of body as is the
tenant of a house he has merely rented, and for rather less than value.
He is, perhaps, not unlike the fire on the hearth, the brightness and
warm centre of the home, yet caring nought for your cherished odds and
ends. What’s Hecuba to him? Given a chance, that same domestic ember
would devour the whole building; and is no different, in essence, from
the roaring streamers that once ran wild in Baltimore and San Francisco.
I knew a lovely and thoughtful woman who, with a few other adepts,
used to do graceful figure-skating on the far side of a college
skating-pond. There, in a quiet little cove of clear ice, apart from
the crowd and the rhythmic, hollow undersong of the whole vibrating
lake, this little group swung and twirled. I can see her small slender
figure, her bright cheek, the lovely float and spread of her skirt as
she curved and poised in that steely waltzing. College students and
wild hockey berserks and miscellaneous small fry scuttled and careered
about; now and then a rubber puck would skim across the ice, and like a
pack of hounds the barbarian rout would sweep upon that tranquil shore
of the pond. For a moment the pensive skaters would be blotted out by
swirling movement--clattering sticks, ringing skates, noisy shouts.
Then the rabble would whirl away. The fancy skaters would be seen
again; and that lonely figure, swinging, leaning in airy curves, aware
of it all with thoughtful eyes a little sparked with annoyance, aloof
from the turmoil, yet not unkindly so.
Not otherwise, perhaps, our hidden capsule of identity is a solitary
skater. The wild rush of emotions, desires, passions, timidities,
comes tearing across the pond; lonely Diana is hidden, even shouldered
off her lagoon of clear crystal. But then they go racketing away. The
pirouette begins again, and the soul is happy with her own concerns.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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