"Well, I got sent. In a way, it was a logical choice, because I knew
as much as anybody on board about the Talipygians. Extra-terrestrial
anthropology's always been a sort of hobby of mine. The beauteous
blonde secretary was having hysterics and the hexapod was howling
its head off in sympathy when I left. Just before I zoomed, Zinck
said something in a stern voice about expecting me to return with
Farquarson alive and in good condition, or he'd consider it a breach of
discipline. He knew I didn't like him.
"I had a real devil of a time finding Denis. We get in the habit
of talking as if a planet were about the size of California, and a
satellite no bigger than an amusement park. Take it from me, that's
nothing but pure woola wash. A satellite the size of Iapetus seems
as big as Terra itself when you're hunting a small object on it, and
that life craft was only about five meters long. Iapetus has mountains
and rivers and woods and ravines and all sorts of stuff. I had object
detectors, of course, but Iapetus has lots of ore-bearing rocks,
and anyhow, detectors are of very little use unless you're near the
thing, and I had no idea where it was. I put in nearly fourteen hours
hunting before I found the craft, and even then it was just luck that I
stumbled on it.
"It was down in a gully on the edge of some woods. Everything looked
peaceful and quiet, and Farquarson wasn't anywhere about. I hovered for
a while and thought it over, and then decided to land.
"I had side arms, of course, but I wasn't planning on using them. For
one thing, Farquarson might just have turned his ankle and considered
it a catastrophe which warranted sending a call for help, and for
another, the Talipygians are protected by interplanetary law. They've
been classified as a 'non-humanoid species of limited intelligence,'
and that means that if you bother one of them all hell pops loose.
Quite right, too." Joseph's manner was solemn. "The non-human species
of the system are one of our greatest natural resources.
* * * * *
"But as I was saying, I decided to land. I came down easy on
quarter-jet, got out, and started toward the yellow life craft. I heard
a noise in the brush and turned to look. And the next thing I knew,
there I was inside the life craft with my head aching like I'd been
drinking eagle spit.
"I figured out later that one of the Talipygians had knocked me out
with a discharge from his erectile electric crest. They hardly ever
do it, because it's a psychic drain on them, and I'd overlooked the
possibility of it.
"Farquarson was inside the craft, looking dignified and distressed. His
hair was rumpled up and his nethers had completely lost their press.
'I'm glad you've come, McBream,' he said as soon as my eyelids began
flutterin'. 'Perhaps the two of us can contrive some way out of this
predicament.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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