Jews -- England -- London -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction
“No,” said Judith, lifting her eyes, “it is no good.” Then she went over
to the door and shut it.
She sat down on the edge of her little white bed, supporting one knee
with a smooth, solid arm, while she stared into vacancy.
Nothing had happened--nothing; yet henceforward life would wear a
different face for her and she knew it.
It was impossible any longer to deceive himself. Her wide, vacant eyes
saw nothing, but her mental vision, grown suddenly acute, was confronted
by a thronging array of images.
Yes, she was beginning to see it all now; dimly and slowly indeed at
first, but with ever increasing clearness as she gazed; to see how it
had all been from the beginning; how slowly and surely this thing had
grown about her life; how in the night a silent foe had undermined the
citadel.
She had been caught, snared in a fine, strong net of woven hair, this
young, strong creature. Her strength mocked her in the clinging, subtle
toils.
She got up from the bed slowly, stiffly, and stood again upright in the
middle of the room. Forced into a position alien to her whole nature, to
the very essence of her decorous, law-abiding soul, it was impossible
that she should not seek to strike a blow in her own behalf.
“It is no good,” Rose had said, and she had echoed the words.
She did not put her thought into words, but her heart cried out in
sudden rebellion, “Why was it no good?”
She went over mentally almost every incident in her intercourse with
Reuben; saw how from day to day, from month to month, from year to year
they had been drawn closer together in ever strengthening, ever
tightening bonds. She remembered his voice, his eyes, his face--his near
face--as she had heard and seen them a few short hours ago.
The conventions, the disguises, which she had been taught to regard as
the only realities, fell down suddenly before the living reality of this
thing which had grown up between her and Reuben. She recognized in it a
living creature, wonderful, mysterious, beautiful and strong, with all
the rights of its existence. It was impossible that they who had given
it breath should do violence to it, should stain their hands with its
blood--it was impossible.
She stood there still, her head lifted up, glowing with a strange
exultation as her pride re-asserted itself.
Opposite was a mirror, a three-sided toilet mirror, hung against the
wall, and suddenly Judith caught sight of her own reflected face with
its wild eyes and flushed cheeks; her face which was usually so calm.
Calm? Had she ever been calm, save with the false calmness which
narcotic drugs bestow? She was frightened of herself, of her own daring,
of the wild, strange thoughts and feelings which struggled for mastery
within her. There is nothing more terrible, more tragic than this
ignorance of a woman of her own nature, her own possibilities, her own
passions.
She covered her face with her hands, and in the darkness the thoughts
came crowding (was it thought, or vision, or feeling?).
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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