For the Third [petition], by the grace of God and teaching of Holy Church I conceived a mighty desire to receive three wounds in my life: that is to say, the wound of very contrition, the wound of kind[4] compassion, and the wound of steadfast[5] longing toward God.[6] And all this last petition I asked without any condition. These two desires aforesaid passed from my mind, but the third dwelled with me continually. [1] "that cowde no letter" = unskilled in letters. [2] thought of, designed. [3] MS. "speed." [4] _i.e._ natural. [5] MS. "wilful" = earnest, with set will. [6] For these wounds see xvii. p. 40, xxvii. p. 56, xxviii., lxxii. and xxxix. CHAPTER III "I desired to suffer with Him" And when I was thirty years old and a half, God sent me a bodily sickness, in which I lay three days and three nights; and on the fourth night I took all my rites of Holy Church, and weened not to have lived till day. And after this I languored forth[1] two days and two nights, and on the third night I weened oftentimes to have passed;[2] and so weened they that were with me. And being in youth as yet, I thought it great sorrow to die;--but for nothing that was in earth that meliked to live for, nor for no pain that I had fear of: for I trusted in God of His mercy. But it was to have lived that I might have loved God better, and longer time, that I might have the more knowing and loving of God in bliss of Heaven. For methought all the time that I had lived here so little and so short in regard of that endless bliss,--I thought [it was as] nothing. Wherefore I thought: _Good Lord, may my living no longer be to Thy worship!_[3] And I understood by my reason and by my feeling of my pains that I should die; and I assented fully with all the will of my heart to be at God's will. Thus I dured till day, and by then my body was dead from the middle downwards, as to my feeling. Then was I minded to be set upright, backward leaning, with help,--for to have more freedom of my heart to be at God's will, and thinking on God while my life would last. My Curate was sent for to be at my ending, and by that time when he came I had set my eyes, and might[4] not speak. He set the Cross before my face and said: _I have brought thee the Image of thy Maker and Saviour: look thereupon and comfort thee therewith_. Methought I was well [as it was], for my eyes were set uprightward unto Heaven, where I trusted to come by the mercy of God; but nevertheless I assented to set my eyes on the face of the Crucifix, if I might;[5] and so I did. For methought I might longer dure to look even-forth[6] than right up. After this my sight began to fail, and it was all dark about me in the chamber, as if it had been night, save in the Image of the Cross whereon I beheld a common light; and I wist not how. All that was away from[7] the Cross was of horror to me, as if it had been greatly occupied by the fiends.