Reveries of a Bachelor; or, A Book of the HeartMitchell, Donald Grant
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Reveries of a Bachelor; or, A Book of the Heart
Mitchell, Donald Grant
American essays -- 19th century
It is a kind of oil and balm for whatever was stormy or harmful: it
gives a permanence to the smile of existence. It does not make the sea
of your life turbulent with high emotions, as if a strong wind were
blowing, but it is as if an Aphrodite had broken on the surface, and the
ripples were spreading with a sweet, low sound, and widening far out to
the very shores of time.
There is no need now, as with the boy, to bolster up your feelings with
extravagant vows; even should you try this in her presence, the words
are lacking to put such vows in. So soon as you reach them they fail
you, and the oath only quivers on the lip, or tells its story by a
pressure of the fingers. You wear a brusque, pleasant air with your
acquaintances, and hint—with a sly look—at possible changes in your
circumstances. Of an evening you are kind to the most unattractive of
the wall-flowers—if only your Nelly is away; and you have a sudden
charity for street beggars with pale children. You catch yourself taking
a step in one of the new polkas upon a country walk, and wonder
immensely at the number of bright days which succeed each other, without
leaving a single stormy gap for your old melancholy moods. Even the
chambermaids at your hotel never did their duty one-half so well; and as
for your man Tom, he is become a perfect pattern of a fellow.
My cigar is in a fine glow; but it has gone out once, and it may go out
again.
—You begin to talk of marriage; but some obstinate papa or guardian
uncle thinks that it will never do—that it is quite too soon, or that
Nelly is a mere girl. Or some of your wild oats—quite forgotten by
yourself—shoot up on the vision of a staid mamma and throw a very damp
shadow on your character. Or the old lady has an ambition of another
sort, which you, a simple, earnest, plodding bachelor, can never
gratify—being of only passable appearance, and unschooled in the
fashions of the world, you will be eternally rubbing the elbows of the
old lady’s pride.
All this will be strangely afflicting to one who has been living for
quite a number of weeks, or months, in a pleasant dreamland, where there
were no five per cents. or reputations, but only a very full and
delirious flow of feeling. What care you for any position except a
position near the being that you love? What wealth do you prize, except
a wealth of heart that shall never know diminution; or for reputation,
except that of truth and of honor? How hard it would break upon these
pleasant idealities to have a weazen-faced old guardian set his arm in
yours and tell you how tenderly he has at heart the happiness of his
niece, and reason with you about your very small and sparse dividends
and your limited business, and caution you—for he has a lively regard
for your interests—about continuing your addresses?
—The kind old curmudgeon!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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