Her voice stopped. In hideous fascination, Devil Star watched that
expansive greyness sweeping across her. Then, convulsively, he thrust
out his para-propellents, sped across the galaxies, not stopping,
frantically seeking forgetfulness.
For a million years Devil Star continued that senseless pace. Finally,
deep into the bottomless darkness that cupped the lenticular universe,
he stopped. And there was ultimate horror in him. The memory was not
sheared off. He could not outrun himself. He was cursed.
<tb>
Cursed--but alive. The thought did not have wings to make him soar.
For Dark Fire, the friend of his youth, was dead. No matter that all
of nature had conspired against him, a purple light; no matter that
Dark Fire, from some blind instinct, had sought with all her being to
fulfill a supposedly incorruptible law of the universe. She was dead,
and he had killed her.
He hung quivering and lost in that lightless emptiness. His triumph,
for the moment, was tasteless. For was it triumph? Had that succession
of events which resulted in Dark Fire's death been inevitable--part of
the pattern after all?
Then he had not escaped!
He shrank into himself so that even the mother universe and its
searching brilliance seemed not to exist. Now he was as alone as
mortality could be, feeding on his inner resources, a circuitous being
independent of the flux and strain of conflicting energies. He was
master of himself for this naked, two dimensional instant of time!
... No. There was the past, whipping his every thought and action into
submission with infinitely reaching arms of cause and result. He had
not escaped....
In that moment of realization, a new fury entered the life of Devil
Star. It came like the roar of a monster full-born in the sub-swirls of
his mind ... a monster clawing, rearing, fighting for emergence into
the searching light of his conscious mind--and unable to emerge!
He was shaken to the depths by that beast--that depthless, unuttered
longing which he could not give a name. Entombed in his self-imposed
darkness, away from the entropic surge and sway of the universe, he
felt that longing engulf him.
"It is something I want," he gasped. "Something I must have. Must!"
... Then, slipping unbidden from another corner of his mind, came the
feeling of solution. And that new thought held him rigid. He did not
dare to believe that the monster was out of his prison. And yet, what
else could it be? Hope surged through him.
"I was in another universe," his thoughts rioted. "In that moment
before <i>she</i> would have had me fling out my central purple core and
die, I was transported to another band of space, a band I never saw
before. And when I returned to the band of life, my will to die was
gone."
He hung laxly, surfeited with emotion. It was that he longed for. And
if it were not--he thrust the clangorous thought away.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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