Ho yus, there isn't many left that started out so cheerily; There was no bands a-playin' and we 'ad no autmobeels. Our tummies they was 'oller, and our 'eads was 'angin' wearily, And if we stopped to light a fag the 'Uns was on our 'eels. That rotten road! I can't forget the kids and mothers flyin' there, The bits of barns a-blazin' and the 'orrid sights I sor; The stiffs that lined the wayside, me own pals a-lyin' there, Their faces covered over wiv a little 'eap of stror. _Tramp, tramp, the red road, the wicked bullets 'ummin' (I've panted out this ditty with me 'ot 'ard breath.) Tramp, tramp, the dread road, the Boches all a-comin', The lootin' and the shootin' and the shrieks o' death. Tramp, tramp, the fell road, the mad 'orde pursuin' there, And 'ow we 'urled it back again, them grim, grey waves; Tramp, tramp, the 'ell road, the 'orror and the ruin there, The graves of me mateys there, the grim, sour graves._ The Haggis of Private McPhee "Hae ye heard whit ma auld mither's postit tae me? It fair maks me hamesick," says Private McPhee. "And whit did she send ye?" says Private McPhun, As he cockit his rifle and bleezed at a Hun. "A haggis! A _HAGGIS!_" says Private McPhee; "The brawest big haggis I ever did see. And think! it's the morn when fond memory turns Tae haggis and whuskey--the Birthday o' Burns. We maun find a dram; then we'll ca' in the rest O' the lads, and we'll hae a Burns' Nicht wi' the best." "Be ready at sundoon," snapped Sergeant McCole; "I want you two men for the List'nin' Patrol." Then Private McPhee looked at Private McPhun: "I'm thinkin', ma lad, we're confoundedly done." Then Private McPhun looked at Private McPhee: "I'm thinkin' auld chap, it's a' aff wi' oor spree." But up spoke their crony, wee Wullie McNair: "Jist lea' yer braw haggis for me tae prepare; And as for the dram, if I search the camp roun', We maun hae a drappie tae jist haud it doon. Sae rin, lads, and think, though the nicht it be black, O' the haggis that's waitin' ye when ye get back." My! but it wis waesome on Naebuddy's Land, And the deid they were rottin' on every hand. And the rockets like corpse candles hauntit the sky, And the winds o' destruction went shudderin' by. There wis skelpin' o' bullets and skirlin' o' shells, And breengin' o' bombs and a thoosand death-knells; But cooryin' doon in a Jack Johnson hole Little fashed the twa men o' the List'nin' Patrol. For sweeter than honey and bricht as a gem Wis the thocht o' the haggis that waitit for them. Yet alas! in oor moments o' sunniest cheer Calamity's aften maist cruelly near. And while the twa talked o' their puddin' divine The Boches below them were howkin' a mine. And while the twa cracked o' the feast they would hae, The fuse it wis burnin' and burnin' away. Then sudden a roar like the thunner o' doom, A hell-leap o' flame . . . then the wheesht o' the tomb.