He aspired to poetry, he tried to give a voice to his aspiration and
his need. But it was not in him. And what if it had been? Why should he
write verses to complain that he was not Lit with the Sun? He thought
briefly of the Twentieth Century poetry that he had read, the poetry of
the Dark Ages, and shuddered at the thought of adding to that store.
He would never attempt expression again, until he knew something to
express. But when the time came, perhaps it would flow from him in such
a golden stream as he remembered from the great masters. Perhaps the
poet had not read too mistakenly the sign in his forehead.
He noticed that some of the artists, and those he considered the
profoundest and the surest, were not permanent residents here. They came
and went, with a light as of far peaks in their eyes. Like the painter
of Vasuki, which was truly a marvelous picture, instinct with a spirit
that made most other productions seem like mere daubs of paint. He felt
that that man knew something, and that he did not learn it here, that
he did not learn it as a painter at all. There must be other places,
or another place, in which art and the artists were mature. He had had
enough of this unquiet, the greatest ecstasies of which obviously fell
below the peace and the assurance that called to him. He was weary of
this perpetual straining with materials and methods inadequate to the
task.
And so, reluctantly, he left the artists, and continued his pilgrimage.
As he departed, a symphony orchestra was performing Mozart's Requiem,
and this perfect artistry, serene and soaring, dedicated to the very
Source, and, it seemed, instinct with something of its light, comprised
a fitting and a reassuring farewell.
As the dying strains played upon him, he was filled again with the
ravishing verses of Sidney Lanier. Out of the high beauty, these words
mingled clearly with his consciousness:
O long ago the billow-flow of sense
Aroused by passion's windy vehemence
Upbore me out of depths to heights intense,
But not to thee, Nirvana.
It was so true, and so much beyond him! The meaning was never clear, and
yet, against it, all else was a deeper darkness. But it called him, and
that was sufficient. He must continue, patiently, on the way.
* * * * *
The walk was pleasant, and the evergreens were soughing gently, as he
passed. Midway in the afternoon he sat down by a convenient spring, and
ate quickly a light meal. As he was resting, a man came through the
trees before him: balding and rather stout, and apparently approaching
the end of middle age. He did not know whether he cared to talk with
this man. But he had little choice, for he hailed him with a sort of
good-natured camaraderie, and came and sat beside him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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