Tho' you stood a strict inspection And your dirty gun got by; Tho' you'd grease spots on your breeches, And the Captain winked his eye; Tho' you ate your fill at dinner, And enjoyed a Lucky Strike; There is something at one-thirty That I know you will not like. It's the needle, the needle, etc. IV Tho' you proved yourself a hero After three hours in the line, And when the doctor jabbed you Just said, "Let's have a shine!" And smoked a large-sized stogie And thought that it was fun, My noble-hearted candidate, You'd only half begun. It's the needle, the needle, etc. V When you woke up at twelve-thirty In a state of some alarm, To feel a tortured muscle In the region of your arm; When you heard the groaning barracks, You wiped your brow and said: "Two million more next week-end, And I guess that I'll be dead." The needle, the needle, The prophylactic needle. You softly damn the surgeon, And his needle tinged with red. HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED When first I landed in this camp I used to write most every day To all my friends I left behind, And ask them what they had to say About the old town and the girls, Or what they thought about the war; And in return the daily mail It brought me letters by the score. But now my friends write me and ask What keeps me from replying, And when I answer, "It's the work," Why, they just think I'm lying. So now the letters I receive Are few and very far between; They're mostly from my family And never any from a queen. [Illustration] ARMA FEMINAMQUE No man would doubt a woman's nerve, We know you're brave enough; You put a man to shame at times, You're tender--and you're tough. And yet I feel, with all your grit And talk of cave-men stuff, That you're sorter out of place When I'm twistin' up my face, A-thrustin' and a-jabbin' with my gun-knife. There's some things in this queer old world That's awkward things to see, They can't be tied with ribbon And they can't be served with tea. They're not the least bit sociable And women--as for me, I wish you'd stay away, While I'm training for the day That I'm goin' to get in action with a gun-knife.