Consider then the Army bean So various and quaint. Sometimes we find they're just plain beans, And then again they ain't. They're funny shades of yellow, Brown, green, and red, and white; While striped and spotted, polka dotted Beans our taste delight. But nix on beans Manchurian, And beans of age Silurian, Which same could stand a buryin', When they come on--Good Night! FORWARD "?" On the parade, Soft and low, Rookie hiccoughed, "Forward, Ho!" Another youngster Feeling smart, Tried to shout, "Forward, Hart!" One requested, "Forward, How!" From somewhere else, There came a "Yow!" * * * * * Perhaps a mile or so away We heard not "Harp!" nor "Harch!" But stalwart Major Koehler's voice Thunder, "Forward, March!" CHANT OF A DERELICT Sad is my song, mates, for I've got the axe, I've got to go, I've got to go; Farewell to Plattsburg and life in the shacks, Home I must go, I must go. Told not to let such a small matter grieve me, Sent to the parents who hate to receive me, Hearing my story, they'll never believe me, I've got to go, got to go. No more to sleep in a two-story bunk, Back I must go, I must go; No more to sag 'neath a pack full of junk, Home I must go, I must go. Leaving the books I could never have learned, Buying a straw hat--the old one was burned-- Even the wrist watch must now be interned, Back I must go, I must go. Here is the moral of this plaintive cough, Sung as I go, moaned as I go; Here is the reason for my sounding off, Now as I go, as I go: Comrades in arms, oh! be prompt at formations, Neat in your dress, and observe regulations, Else, you, like me, will rejoin your relations, Home you must go, you must go. [Illustration: MESS? YES!!] PREOCCUPATION The captain stops and yells to me, "Wake up there, rear rank number three!" And then, perchance, he makes some mention Of how I do not pay attention. But is it _my_ fault? No, it's you, With your persistent eyes of blue, That halt the flow of reason's stream And make me dream and dream and dream, Until the captain comes and--well, To put it plain--he gives me _Hell_. INOCULATION DAY