Myself when fresh and full of zeal and spunk, Hung on the words whence wisdom should be drunk; But this was all the harvest that I reaped-- To say "as fast as possible" is punk. Platoon commanders, captains by the score, Each takes his turn--and then is seen no more; But no one ever thinks of him again One half so kindly as they thought before. To-day's commander, with commands profuse, To-morrow to the rear rank will reduce. Think, and you know not what he meant to say-- He knows not neither, so--ah, what's the use? Waste not your hour to criticize or blame, You would have done it worse, or just the same. Better to pack your troubles with your kit, To keep your shirt on, and to play the game. Some for the shriek of shot and shell, and some Sigh for the bottle of New England rum. Oh, face the facts, and let the fiction go-- I'll bet "_la vie des tranchèes_" will be bum. One moment's rest, then back into the mill With butt and point to lacerate and kill. I often wonder what the Germans teach One half so cultured as our "Bay'net Drill." For war is hell, and Plattsburg not a jest, And yet, by gravy, we will do our best, Till submarine and Kaiser are forgot, Or Angel Gabriel hollers out, "At rest!" DREAMS Says Captain Peek to Company Two, "Let's have an exam to-day; "So get your rifles and bayonet, boys, "And fall in right away. "Line up whenever you're ready to go; "At route step do squads right: "Light up your pipes, roll up your sleeves, "We'll try to make this light." With joyful faces they march to parade, Fall out and rest on the grass. "Will someone please perform right face? "We'll let slight errors pass." Then Captain Peek shuts up that book "I won't give one black mark. "Officers, beat it; get the hook! "I'll drill you right till dark. "You seem to know the drill all right; "Don't bother about those maps; "Put on your 'civies' as fast as you can, "And don't come back for taps." 'Twill be thus perhaps in a happier land, When they've run that American drive, Where we drill in white all armed with harps; But not while our Cap's alive. A 2nd REGIMENT "WHO'S WHO" Major Collins is careful of His regiment's health. Lemonade and other things, Taken on march, Have been known to cause Soldiers to die, and pie? Perish the suggestion! 'Tis Safe to bet the major Was not born in New England.