He opened a fat ledger, took up a pencil, and began to jot down
figures on the back of one of the envelopes. Already, by remodelling
the the theatre, he had lost two month's headway, and spent three
times too much money, and if Sunday performances were to be
eliminated.... He threw down the pencil, and sat back spiritless. The
good-wishes of all his friends, last night, had turned sour in his
possession. To reach his goal, he should have to contrive, somehow, to
fill nearly every seat at nearly every performance for the balance of
the year. It was all well enough to have self-confidence, and courage,
but it was better to look facts in the face. He had come to an
impasse. Not only that, but overnight his property, by virtue of this
Sunday enforcement and its effect upon the trade, had seriously
depreciated in value. If it had been worth thirty-seven thousand five
hundred yesterday, it wasn't worth a penny more than twenty today. And
he could have had Standish's certified check, and got out from under.
And he had thrown away in improvements almost every cent that he had
borrowed against the original value. He was hardly better off, today,
than if he had carried through his first bargain with Mr. Mix.
He would have to go home to Anna, and confess that he was beaten by
default. He would have to explain to her, as gently as he could, that
the road which led to the end of the rainbow was closed to traffic. He
would have to admit to her that as far as he could see, he was
destined to go on living indefinitely in a jerry-built apartment, with
the odour of fried onions below, and the four children and the
phonograph overhead. And Anna would have to go on pinch-hitting for
cook, and waitress, and chambermaid, and bottle-washer--she would have
to go on with the desecration of her beautiful hands in dish-water,
and the ruin of her complexion over the kitchen-stove. The clothes
that he had planned to buy for her, the jewels, the splendid car--the
cohort of servants he had planned for her--the social prestige! And
instead of that, he was nothing but a fragment of commercial
driftwood, and he couldn't afford, now, to buy her so much as a new
hat, without a corresponding sacrifice.
And yet--involuntarily, he stiffened--and yet he'd be hanged if he
went back and acted like a whipped pup. No, he was supposed to be a
man, and his friends and Anna believed in him, an he'd be hanged if he
went back and confessed anything at all, admitted anything. It was all
well enough to look facts in the face, but it was better still to keep
on fighting until the gong rang. And when he was fighting against the
cant purity and goodness of Mr. Mix, and the cold astigmatism of Aunt
Mirabelle, he'd be hanged if he quit in the first round. No, even if
Henry himself knew that he was beaten, nobody else was going to know
it, and Anna least of all.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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