Why should she be made to do this thing, she who had asked so little of
life; who had, indeed, deliberately fashioned life for herself so that
it should give her but one boon—quietude? Her pulses throbbed as if
with that fever which the solicitous husband had prognosticated. How
dared they?
Then, reason took the cold grey eye, the cold reproachful tone of Major
Bethune, to ask her, Had she the right to refuse? And fate seemed to
assume the kindly handsome smiling countenance of Sir Arthur, to assure
her that it must be. Who knew as well as she that it was vain to
struggle against any fiat of his? And then, once more, every fibre of
her being, every energy of her soul, started in revolt.
The tom-tom beat below in the town a mocking refrain to her anguish.
And, without the walls, the pariah dogs howled and fought, snarling, and
wrangled, growling. She slid into snatches of horrid slumber, in which
the contending elements in her soul seemed to take tangible form. But
with the dawn a change came upon her. She awoke from one of these
interludes in which she had after all glided to unconsciousness; the
tension had become relaxed; there was one clear purpose in her mind:
She would not do it!
Reason now no longer appeared under an enemy’s shape, but came like a
friend to her pillow and whispered words of soothing. They had no right
to ask it of her. No power on earth could force her to it. All that the
world had the claim to know about Harry English, his comrades, his
friend, those that had been beside him in his glorious fight against
destiny, could give to it. What concerned the man, apart from the
soldier; what concerned that inner life, had been hers alone. What
sense of justice could there be in the demand that she should break
through the deliberate seal of years, stultify the intention of a whole
existence, at the bidding of an overbearing young man, of a pragmatic
old one? Once, for a little while, life had held for her mysterious
possibilities—sweet, but no more unfolded than the bud in the narrow
sheath. Was she now to tear apart these reserves, close-folded, leaf
upon leaf, dissect the "might-have-been" till her heart’s blood ran?
No, a hundred times! And then, upon the strength of this decision, the
habitual long-cultivated calmness came floating back to her. She lay
and gazed at the shafts of light as they filtered in through the blinds
and fell in crosses and bars upon the marble floor. From their first
inroad, when they had seemed but the laying of shadow upon shadow, to
the awakening of colour in and under them, she watched them with
wide-open yet dreamy eyes.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account