Martha came into the room with a little rush as though she had been
waiting impatiently to see Neale, and yet when she saw him she gave a
little quavering "oh!" as of fright, and stood stock-still near the
door.
Neale, conscious of nothing but his own heavy heart, was so startled
that he had for an instant the fantastic notion that his mountain
colloquy with himself was perhaps written on his face, and that Martha
had read it at a glance. But before he could move, she had moved herself
and come towards him as swiftly as she had first entered the room. She
spoke swiftly too, as though she were afraid of losing her breath before
she could say what she had to say; and yet she had already lost her
breath, and was panting.
"Neale, dear, dear Neale ..." her voice was quavering and very low, "I
must tell you quickly. Neale, I'm afraid I've done you a great wrong.
Neale, I love you better than any one I ever saw, but," her voice sank
so low Neale could scarcely hear her, "I don't want to marry you."
Her lips began to tremble. She hung her head, and Neale could see the
dark red flooding up to the roots of her hair.
He was for a moment literally incapable of speech. She went on
falteringly, "Out in Cleveland, at Margaret's wedding you know,
everybody talking about getting married, and Margaret ... she's like my
sister ... we're so near each other ... and we talked. She was just
going to be married, and she thought I was, too. And I thought so.
Truly, Neale, I'd never dreamed of anything else. And she talked to me
as one woman about to be married talks to another--not girls' talk."
She began to cry a little now, though she made a great effort to control
herself, drawing long, long breaths, and halting between her words,
trying to bring them out quietly, "Neale, I'm afraid you won't
understand. I don't know how to tell you, I don't know how to tell you!
You see I never knew my mother and I never liked to talk intimately with
other girls about ... about ... but Margaret is so fine and----" She
cried out what she had to say in one burst, in a loud voice of pain,
"Oh, Neale, when I saw Margaret with her lover I knew, I knew, I'd never
loved you at all. I knew I'd hate you if we were married."
She turned away and leaned against the wall, sobbing, her face hidden in
the crook of her arm. "What's the matter with me!" she cried
desperately, brokenly. "Why don't I? Am I different from other women? I
can't bear to hurt you so! I want to love you! What can I do with myself
if I don't?"
The two stood there, the broken pieces of their life lying in a heap
between them.
Over the heap, Neale took one long step and put his arms around Martha,
so tenderly, so quietly, that she did not start or shrink away. She
stopped sobbing, she stood still in his arms, breathlessly still as
though she were listening intently, as though she were taking in some
knowledge from a source not articulate.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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