"... a way out into life? How could she find it? Other people did ...
women in books...." Flora Allen's eyes moving slowly about the room fell
on a photograph of the South Portal of the Bayonne Cathedral. It was
framed in dark wood with a little Gothic arch at the top. It made her
sick to look at it. How much trouble she had taken to get that
photograph and to find the frame that would suit it. How eagerly she had
hung it on the wall; and then had turned round to find it had made no
difference in her life, or in any one's life. She looked at it now, her
pretty lips set bitterly. What an idiot she had been! What difference
_could_ it have made? What had she ever thought it could do for her, she
and the other women of Belton, everlastingly studying something or
other, going after culture with such eagerness, bringing it home,
hanging it on the wall, and turning round to find it had changed
nothing, nothing. How silly they were! Nobody over here cared anything
for "culture" or art, or sculptures--except badly-dressed, queer people
with socialistic ideas, like Marise's music-teacher.
And they were right not to care. What was there in it for any one? What
could she ever have thought there was? What earthly difference did the
sculptures on the South Portal make to her, Flora Allen, driven along
through life, without getting out of it a single one of the things women
really wanted? What good did it do any one to go and gape at the
paintings in the Museum, most of them ugly, and all of them as dead as
dead? When what you wanted was to be alive! To have gaiety and sparkle
and cheerfulness in your life, not to vegetate and mold like the
primitive lower forms of life around you, like Isabelle; not to dry and
harden and become a mere block of wood like old Jeanne!
There was nothing unreasonable in not wanting to shrivel and stagnate.
It was _right_ to want to have an ardent life, full and deep, that
carried you out of yourself.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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