Round-Up Time By CHESTER COHEN Illustrated by GIUNTA _There was madness in Manhattan when Queerpants came to town!_ [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from Infinity Science Fiction, June 1956. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.] My wife don't believe me. That's why she made me come here, and I don't think you're gonna believe me, either, but it's the God's honest truth--and the money's mine. Hell, I wouldn't never steal. I know there's a lotta fellas in my fix that do, but not me. I always been honest, and always got along okay. Excuse me, but are you takin' this down just the way I'm tellin' it? Cuz I can't talk so good, ain't had much schoolin', and I want this took down just like I'm tellin' it, cuz it's gonna he hard enough to believe. Okay, thanks. The whole thing started yesterday mornin'. I went out early cuz my wife was sick and I wanted to try and get as much as I could by myself, in case there gonna be doctor bills. And it's a lot tougher goin' it alone, counta my wife plays the banjo, and that's a big help. Well, the subway take on the way up from Brooklyn was pretty poor, so I got off at Columbus Circle and headed for the Park. I figgered, it bein' the Fourth of July holiday, there'd be pretty good pickin's there. But hell, I never figgered it was gonna be _that_ good! I had a little trouble gettin' acrost Fifty-ninth Street--you know, where they been doin' all that diggin'?--and I took a bad spill there. My crutches slipped on that damn gravel they got spread all over the place. I don't usu'ly have trouble navigatin' that way, but this mornin' I was still kinda sleepy and wasn't watchin' myself enough. Yeah, I went right on my ear--that's how I got this cut here. As if I ain't had enough trouble there. This real nice guy come runnin' over and helps me up. He talked real funny, sorta with his teeth, like. I couldn't make out a thing he said. A furriner, I figgered. Then when we get to the curb, he takes off like a bat outta hell into the park. That's when I noticed he was dressed kinda funny, too. Like the creases on his pants was on the _sides_, and his jacket was on backwards, and he didn't have no shoes on. Just some kinda floppy red socks, it looked like, with a lotta yella tassels on 'em. Must be a character from the Village, I figgered. I seen a lotta queer ducks down there in my time. Then I forgot about him, cuz I spotted a coupla young kids sittin' on the stone bench near the gate, and they looked like a good touch. So I dusts off my hat and gives 'em a try. But they was still lookin' pop-eyed towards the park where the funny character went, and didn't give me a tumble atall. So I moved along into the park, and to hell with 'em.