Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Poor families -- Fiction; Young women -- Fiction
On another day I quarrelled with Hilda, I must have said or done
something that she did not like, and it was evident that she wanted
to make me cross. It happened towards sunset. Hilda stood with her
back against the wall of the house opposite to ours and looked at me
scornfully. Her mouth was twisted contemptuously, her whole attitude
expressed deliberate challenge. For one brief moment we looked at each
other like two embittered opponents, but all at once I felt confounded
by her words:
"Your drawing-room looks ridiculous."
Never, never before did I feel so utterly unhappy, and I turned away
with burning cheeks. My mother was about to call me in, so I hastened
towards her. "Mother," I cried, half choked with tears, "Hilda said our
drawing-room looks ridiculous." My mother smiled, and as she took me up
the stairs into the little parlour, she said: "That does not matter,
dear."
Like a child I soon forgot that incident, but afterwards whenever I
entered the room in question, I was struck with its emptiness, and
tried hard to understand how it was that I had ever found it beautiful;
and although my mother had bought a green cover for the table, the
reverential feeling that I had experienced so often returned no more.
After a time I no longer liked to go to school, and I do not think
that I made any progress with my lessons. My exercises were done
only because I was afraid of getting punished. Ambition I had none.
Geography and history I did not care for, and doing sums I positively
hated. Furthermore, my teacher had found out that I had no voice and
consequently excluded me from singing. The only thing that I really
liked was to form sentences. But that subject we had only once a week,
and it was done in the following manner.--The teacher wrote with his
chalk different words on the blackboard, and we had to use them in
simple or compound sentences. There was not one word which I could not
have brought into a sentence somehow, whereas all the other children
sat silent, and never showed any aptitude for the subject. During the
rest of the lessons I was inattentive and tried continually to chat
with my neighbours. Very often I was punished.
We were also taught scripture every Friday. A young priest whom we
called "catechist" came to the school and read the catechism to us. I
do not remember whether I behaved any better during that lesson, the
only thing I know is that I felt strangely moved when the tall figure
of the catechist, clad in a long black gown, entered our schoolroom
and took his seat with an air of dignity. In my opinion the young
catechist was a handsome man. His eyes were blue, his hair was thick
and brown, but his mouth was always shut tightly, and he struck me as
hard and proud. When I think of that time, I can see the schoolroom
again. None of the children were more than ten years old, and while we
sat perfectly still the catechist asked one question after another.
"Who created the world?" Whereupon a young voice answered:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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