Humorous stories; Valets -- Fiction; Washington (State) -- Fiction
“Well, I don’t say you ain’t right,” said Cousin Egbert thoughtfully;
“that’s one reason I got him out here where everything is nice. What
with speaking pieces like an actor, I was afraid they’d have him
making more kinds of a fool of himself than what Jackson does, him
being a foreigner, and his mind kind o’ running on what clothes a man
had ought to wear.”
Hereupon, so flushed was I with the good feeling of the occasion, I
told them straight that I had resolved to quit being Colonel Ruggles
of the British army and associate of the nobility; that I had
determined to forget all class distinctions and to become one of
themselves, plain, simple, and unpretentious. It is true that I had
consumed two of the hot grogs, but my mind was clear enough, and both
my companions applauded this resolution.
“If he can just get his mind off clothes for a bit he might amount to
something,” said Cousin Egbert, and it will scarcely be credited, but
at the moment I felt actually grateful to him for this admission.
“We’ll think about his case,” said the Mixer, taking her own second
toddy, whereupon the two fell to talking of other things, chiefly of
their cattle plantations and the price of beef-stock, which then
seemed to be six and one half, though what this meant I had no notion.
Also I gathered that the Mixer at her own cattle-farm had been
watching her calves marked with her monogram, though I would never
have credited her with so much sentiment.
When the retiring hour came, Cousin Egbert and I prepared to take our
blankets outside to sleep, but the Mixer would have none of this.
“The last time I slept in here,” she remarked, “mice was crawling over
me all night, so you keep your shack and I’ll bed down outside. I
ain’t afraid of mice, understand, but I don’t like to feel their feet
on my face.”
And to my great dismay, though Cousin Egbert took it calmly enough,
she took a roll of blankets and made a crude pallet on the ground
outside, under a spreading pine tree. I take it she was that sort. The
least I could do was to secure two tins of milk from our larder and
place them near her cot, in case of some lurking high-behind, though I
said nothing of this, not wishing to alarm her needlessly.
Inside the hut Cousin Egbert and I partook of a final toddy before
retiring. He was unusually thoughtful and I had difficulty in
persuading him to any conversation. Thus having noted a bearskin
before my bed, I asked him if he had killed the animal.
“No,” said he shortly, “I wouldn’t lie for a bear as small as that.”
As he was again silent, I made no further approaches to him.
From my first sleep I was awakened by a long, booming yell from our
guest outside. Cousin Egbert and I reached the door at the same time.
“I’ve got it!” bellowed the Mixer, and we went out to her in the chill
night. She sat up with the blankets muffled about her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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