Had I but lungs enough to bawl sufficiently, That all the queans in Christendom might hear me, 222] That men might run away from contagion, I had my wish; would it were most high treason, Most infinite high, for any man to marry, I mean for any man that would live handsomely, And like a Gentleman, in his wits and credit. What torments shall I put her to, _Phalaris_ bull now, Pox they love bulling too well, though they smoak for't. Cut her apieces? every piece will live still, And every morsel of her will do mischief; They have so many lives, there's no hanging of 'em, They are too light to drown, they are cork and feathers; To burn too cold, they live like Salamanders; Under huge heaps of stones to bury her, And so depress her as they did the Giants; She will move under more than built old Babel, I must destroy her. [Enter _Cacafogo_, with a Casket.] Cacafogo: Be cozen'd by a thing of clouts, a she moth, That every silkmans shop breeds; to be cheated, And of a thousand duckets by a whim wham? Michael Perez: Who's that is cheated, speak again thou vision, But art thou cheated? minister some comfort: Tell me directly art thou cheated bravely? Come, prethee come, art thou so pure a coxcomb To be undone? do not dissemble with me, Tell me I conjure thee. Cacafogo: Then keep thy circle, For I am a spirit wild that flies about thee, And who e're thou art, if thou be'st humane, I'le let thee plainly know, I am cheated damnably. Michael Perez: Ha, ha, ha. Cacafogo: Dost thou laugh? damnably, I say most damnably. Michael Perez: By whom, good spirit speak, speak ha, ha, ha. Cacafogo: I will utter, laugh till thy lungs crack, by a rascal woman, A lewd, abominable, and plain woman. Dost thou laugh still? Michael Perez: I must laugh, prethee pardon me, I shall laugh terribly. Cacafogo: I shall be angry, terrible angry, I have cause. 223] Michael Perez: That's it, and 'tis no reason but thou shouldst be angry, Angry at heart, yet I must laugh still at thee. By a woman cheated? art' sure it was a woman? Cacafogo: I shall break thy head, my valour itches at thee. Michael Perez: It is no matter, by a woman cozen'd, A real woman? Cacafogo: A real Devil, Plague of her Jewels and her copper chains, How rank they smell. Michael Perez: Sweet cozen'd Sir let me see them, I have been cheated too, I would have you note that, And lewdly cheated, by a woman also, A scurvie woman, I am undone sweet Sir, Therefore I must have leave to [l]augh. Cacafogo: Pray ye take it, You are the merriest undone man in _Europe_. What need we fiddles, bawdy songs and sack, When our own miseries can make us merry?