Muriel's own emotional condition was no more enlightened. Like all young
people, she had had her visions of romance, and, like the visions of
most young people, hers had been uninstructed, misdirected, misapplied.
All women, it has been said, begin life by having in their inmost heart
a self-created Prince Charming, who proves the strongest rival that
their destined husbands have to endure. Such a prince was as much
Muriel's as he is other girls'! She had created him unknowingly from the
books she had read, from the pictures she had seen, out of blue sky and
sunshine and the soft first breezes of Spring: the stuff of dreams. But
she was eighteen and no longer in school, and Stainton had given her a
glimpse of the great happy thing that she accepted as life.
What lacked? Something. While she descended the stairs she counted his
attributes in her aching brain. He was handsome, brave, well esteemed.
If he was not young, he did not seem anything but young. What was youth,
that it should be essential? What did it amount to if it were but the
unit of measurement for a life--a mere figure of speech--something
simply verbal? This man had, it appeared, the reality without the name.
What was this quality worth if its virtue resided in its name and not in
its substance? Why should she even ask these questions--and why, when
she asked, could she find no answer?
She paused. It struck her suddenly that the fault might lie in her.
Perhaps it was she that lacked. Perhaps--as a traveller may see an
unfamiliar landscape by a lightning flash--she saw this now; the loss
might be not in Stainton; it might be something that she had not yet
acquired.
Therein, to be sure, was the clew to the muddle. Nearer than that
lightning flash of the situation she did not come. Love, as we know it
in our civilisation, is not an element: it is a composite. In this girl,
descending to meet the man that wanted to marry her and even now
ignorant of the answer she should give him, there lay the Greater
Ignorance. Companionship, affection, kindly feeling--all these things
and more--she had for him; but the omnipotent force that welds and
dominates and forges these elements into one, unified, spiritual,
intellectual, and bodily love, the law that begets this and nourishes
it--this she did not as yet know, had never known.
The Newberry drawing-room was as it had been two weeks before. The
crackling fire danced over its gilt-and-white prettiness, the heavy,
ivory curtains, which folded behind her, shut out all the world.
Stainton rose from a seat beside the fire, much as if he had been there
since last she saw him. The interval of a fortnight seemed as nothing.
She noticed again how tall and strong and fine he seemed, how virile,
how much the master, not only of his own fate but of himself. He came
forward with outstretched hands.
"Have you thought things over?" he asked.
There was no manoeuvring now, no backing and filling. The time for
pretence was passed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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