"Yes, Lady Mitford," he went on; "I have returned to find that all I
feared,--more than I feared,--has befallen you. It was an unequal
contest; you had only innocence and purity, an old-fashioned belief in
the stability of human relations and the sanctity of plighted faith;
and what weapons were these in such a fight? No wonder you are
vanquished. No wonder she is triumphant--shameless as she is
heartless. I wound you," he said, for she cowered and trembled at his
words; "but I cannot keep silence. I have seen shameful things,--I am
no stranger to the dark passages of life; but this is worse than all.
Good God! to think that a man like Mitford should have had such a
chance and have thrown it away! To think that--"
"Hush, Sir Laurence!" she said, and stretched her hand appealingly
towards him; "I must not hear you. I cannot, I will not affect to
misunderstand you; but there must be no more of this. I am an unhappy
woman--a most wretched wife; all the world--all the little world we
think so great, and suffer to torment us so cruelly--knows that.
Pretence between us would be idle; but confidence is impossible. I
cannot discuss Sir Charles Mitford's conduct with any one, least of
all with you." She seemed to have spoken the last words unawares, or
at least involuntarily, for a painful blush, rose on her face and
throat.
"And why," he eagerly asked,--"why least of all with me? I have been
honoured by your friendship,--I have not forfeited it, have I? I know
that conventionality, which is a systematic liar and a transparent
hypocrite, would condemn in theory a woman to keep her garments folded
decorously over such mortal heart-wounds; I know that poets snivel
rhymes which tell us how grand and great, how high and mighty, it is
'to suffer and be strong.' I know how easy some people find it to see
others suffer, and be perfectly strong in the process; but such
rubbish is not for you nor for me. I cannot return to London and hear
all that I have heard; I cannot come here and look upon you--" his
voice faltered, but he forced it into the same hurried composure with
which he had been speaking. "I cannot see you as I see you now, and
talk to you as an ordinary morning visitor might talk, or even as we
have talked together, when these things were coming indeed, but had
not yet come."
She was leaning forward now, her face turned towards him, but hidden
in her hands. He gazed at her with a kindling glance, and strode
fiercely backward and forward across the wide space which lay before
the window.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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