She was exasperated to the highest pitch by his perfect coolness, and
tears of rage stood in her eyes. He had preserved an imperturbable
composure; neither her passion nor her sarcasm moved him. Desperately
she caught at the one hope that remained. She came towards him
suddenly, dropped upon her knees by his side, and hid her face,
covered with her hands, on his arm, while he sat astonished and
confused.
"Laurence!" she sobbed, "listen to me. Do you not know that all the
wicked things I say are said because I am miserable; because the love
of you and the loss of you have turned me into something that I dread
to think of and to look into? Have some compassion on me! I wronged
you, I know; but can you not forgive me? Do you think the prize I won
brought me any peace? Be merciful to a woman's vanity and weakness. Am
I the only woman who is weak and vain? You did love me once; you could
love me now, if you would only put aside your pride, if you would only
try to be merciful to the errors which I have so bitterly repented.
Laurence, this woman, who has been the cause of all--whose wrongs are
upon her own head--what can she ever be to you? You know she is,
according to your own account, _too good_ to be tempted from her duty,
while I--I am free; there is no barrier between us now--and I love
you."
She raised her drooping head, she let her hands fall, and she looked
at him. The time had been when such a look would have brought Laurence
Alsager to her feet; but now, he had said truly, "that time was dead
and buried."
He rose with an air of stern determination. She had risen from her
knees, and had resumed her chair She was deadly pale; her eyes were
wild and haggard; and she caught her breath with a sort of gasping
sob, which threatened a burst of hysterical passion. Laurence spoke
low and sadly:
"When you come to think over what you have just said, you will be
angry with yourself for having uttered, and with me for having heard,
such words. I will not dwell upon them, nor will I voluntarily
remember them. If you had never caused me more than the pang which
your first faithlessness to myself made me suffer, I might indeed have
pardoned it, for the sake of the old glamour, and made myself
miserable by marrying a woman whom I could not respect, because I had
once loved her. But that the woman who jilted me for Percy Hammond's
rupees, then betrayed Hammond for Sir Charles Mitford, and would now
discard Mitford for me--by the way, I am a much richer man than
Hammond was; barring the widowhood, your speculation has been
defective--should dream, in the wildest paroxysms of a woman's
unreasonableness, that I could be cajoled, or bribed, through my
interest in another, to put her in my honoured mother's place, is
beyond my comprehension."
She looked at him, still with wild haggard eyes, and still she sobbed,
but shed no tears.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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