Believe me, then, I am not bad, Though in my youth I had to trek Because I happened to have had Some difficulties with a cheque. What forgery in some might be Is absentmindedness in me! I know that I was much abused, No doubt when I was young and rash, But I should not have been accused Of misappropriating cash. I may have sneaked a silver dish;-- Well, you may search me if you wish! So, now you see me, more or less, As I would figure in your thoughts; A trifle given to excess And prone perhaps to vice of sorts; When tempted, rather apt to fall, But still--a good chap after all! [Illustration] The Cat (_Advice to the Young_) My children, you should imitate The harmless, necessary cat, Who eats whatever's on his plate, And doesn't even leave the fat; Who never stays in bed too late, Or does immoral things like that; Instead of saying "Shan't!" or "Bosh!" He'll sit and wash, and wash, and wash! When shadows fall and lights grow dim He sits beneath the kitchen stair; Regardless as to life and limb, A simple couch he chooses there; And if you tumble over him, He simply loves to hear you swear. And, while bad language _you_ prefer, He'll sit and purr, and purr, and purr! [Illustration: _The Cat._] The Children's "Don't" _DON'T_ tell Papa his nose is red As any rosebud or geranium, Forbear to eye his hairless head Or criticise his cootlike cranium; 'Tis years of sorrow and of care Have made his head come through his hair. _Don't_ give your endless guinea-pig (Wherein that animal may build a Sufficient nest) the Sunday wig Of poor, dear, dull, deaf Aunt Matilda. Oh, _don't_ tie strings across her path, Or empty beetles in her bath! _Don't_ ask your uncle why he's fat; Avoid upon his toe-joints treading; _Don't_ hide a hedgehog in his hat, Or bury bushes in his bedding. He will not see the slightest sport In pepper put into his port! _Don't_ pull away the cherished chair On which Mamma intended sitting, Nor yet prepare her session there By setting on the seat her knitting; Pause ere you hurt her spine, I pray-- That is a game that _two_ can play. My children, never, never steal! To know their offspring is a thief Will often make a father feel Annoyed and cause a mother grief; So never steal, but, when you do, Be sure there's no one watching you.