'It appears to me,' said Mrs. Ispenlove--'and I must again ask you to
excuse my freedom, but I feel as if I had known you a long time--it
appears to me that what you want immediately is a complete rest.'
'Why do you say that?' I demanded.
'You do not look well. You look exhausted and worn out.'
I blushed as she gazed at me. Could she--? No. Those simple gray eyes
could not imagine evil. Nevertheless, I saw too plainly how foolish I had
been. I, with my secret fear, that was becoming less a fear than a
dreadful certainty, to permit myself to venture into that house! I might
have to fly ignominiously before long, to practise elaborate falsehood,
to disappear.
'Perhaps you are right,' I agreed.
The conversation grew fragmentary, and less and less formal. Mrs.
Ispenlove was the chief talker. I remember she said that she was always
being thrown among clever people, people who could do things, and that
her own inability to do anything at all was getting to be an obsession
with her; and that people like me could have no idea of the tortures of
self-depreciation which she suffered. Her voice was strangely wistful
during this confession. She also spoke--once only, and quite shortly,
but with what naïve enthusiasm!--of the high mission and influence of the
novelist who wrote purely and conscientiously. After this, though my
liking for her was undiminished, I had summed her up. Mr. Ispenlove
offered no commentary on his wife's sentiments. He struck me as being a
reserved man, whose inner life was intense and sufficient to him.
'Ah!' I reflected, as Mrs. Ispenlove, with an almost motherly accent,
urged me to have another cup of tea, 'if you knew me, if you knew me,
what would you say to me? Would your charity be strong enough to overcome
your instincts?' And as I had felt older than my aunt, so I felt older
than Mrs. Ispenlove.
I left, but I had to promise to come again on the morrow, after I had
seen Mr. Ispenlove on business. The publisher took me down to my hotel in
the brougham (and I thought of the drive with Diaz, but the water was not
streaming down the windows), and then he returned to his office.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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